It wasn’t what Cosmo wanted to hear, but at least it was honest. “You were right about Royce. I should have listened to you.”
“Did he–”
“I’mfine.” Cosmo’s words came out too harsh, and Déjà frowned and shook her head. “I really wish I could do this day over again.”
Micah laughed, a humorless huff that grew watery at the end, and Cosmo wondered if he’d been crying.
“Why is that funny?”
“Because you’ve lived this day before,” Micah said.
Déjà had scooted so close her ear was practically against the phone, so Cosmo put it on speaker. He said, “Right. I’ve lived this day before because we’re in a static block universe. Some version of me willalwaysbe living this day. Forgive me if I don’t find that humorous right now.”
“No. I mean I had actual future knowledge of you living this day. Other Micah didn’t have specifics. The things I did this evening didn’t happen in his world. But nothing I did stopped the situation with Royce. Except maybe calling Déjà.”
Cosmo scrubbed at his arms, a sudden chill penetrating through the sleeves of his pajamas. “OtherMicah?”
“My future self.”
Micah explained briefly what happened, and Cosmo probably should have been creeped out, but he was too hung up on the fact that his other self had acted on the urge to throw himself into Micah’s arms. The night would have gone much differently if he’d chosen to leave with him to get ice cream. Instead of picturing a Dairy Queen, he thought of the soda shop he and Déjà used to frequent. Micah sitting beside him in a greasy booth as the neon from the window signs limned everything an electric pink. Sipping milkshakes as Micah explained the situation. Cosmo would lean against him, and Micah would envelop him in his protective embrace.
I want to wrap these arms around you and press you against me. I want to crush you.
An ache filled his chest. He could have had that. But he’d made the wrong choice, and now it mightneverhappen.
Déjà had left Cosmo’s side. She came back with a plate of white chip cookies he’d made the other day, and she seemed to be trying to fit as many as she could into her mouth at once. Her face was slightly ashen and her gaze unfocused as she stared through the wall and chewed her cookies.
“I know I embarrassed you earlier,” Cosmo said into the phone, “but I’m the one feeling very ashamed right now. You must think I’m both cruel and desperate.”
“That’swhat you’re focused on right now?” Cookie crumbs sprayed from Déjà’s mouth. “He just told you he was visited by himself from the future.”
“Spacetime is twisted inside the complex.” Cosmo waved his hand. “Keep up, darling.”
She smacked his arm and bit into another cookie, then coughed and headed into the kitchen. “I need some milk. Or some air. Or a place to lie down.”
“I don’t think you’re cruel or desperate,” Micah said. “But I also don’t think this thing between us is going to work.”
Cosmo’s stomach dropped. No, there wouldn’t be any soda shop dates or graveyard kisses or anything else with Micah in this future.
“Uh-uh.” Déjà’s voice came from the kitchen. “I didn’t get involved in this just for you to break up with each other.”
“What do you want me to say?” Micah’s voice strained. “I fell for you, Cosmo, not because we’re both young and popular artists who got flirty with each other at a party. No. I’m a struggling, lonely recluse, and you showed up in my studio as a beautiful specter who couldn’t hurt me. I fell for the idea of you. The dream of you. I’m too out of the art scene. I’m too old. I’m too – toobroken.”
Cosmo shook his head. “No, you’re not. You–”
“It’s not like we can sit across from each other sipping outrageous milkshakes and pretend like none of that is between us.” Micah choked on his words. “I can’t even let you into my apartment for god’s sake!”
Wait. Cosmo stiffened. “Why did you mention milkshakes?”
“What?” A loud sniffle came from the phone. “Because you said it. Invited me to some outrageous milkshake place.”
“I never said that.”
“You must have,” Micah said. “Because I was just thinking about how that sounded much more your speed than a Dairy Queen, which further reinforces how out of touch I am.”
Breath rushed in and out of Cosmo’s chest. “I didn’t mention the milkshake place, Micah.” He swallowed hard. “I only thought about it.”
15
