Marcus sat up straighter, causing a book in his lap to slideto the floor. “I sneaked one of your books.” He leaned down to pick it up.
“Which one?”
His smile looked slightly cheesy as he held up an old Louis L’Amour paperback. “Good ole comfort read.”
“Hey, sometimes we need those.”
“I’ll say. I’ve read this one before, but it’s been ages.”
“Did you get very far?”
“Just the first chapter. But then the light faded, and I wanted to rest my eyes.”
“I read some of those after Paul and I first got married. He had a small collection. I think they were his comfort reads too. Especially after law school. He needed an escape.”
“I guess we all do at times.” Marcus almost smiled. “I always liked how L’Amour’s characters were so heroic and yet so human.”
“That’s a good way to describe it. Heroic yet human.”
“Something to aspire to.” His mouth twisted to one side. “You should be out there with your guests and the music. Don’t feel you need to keep me company.”
“I just wanted to make sure that Kitty hadn’t gagged and shackled you and dragged you off to her lair.” Riva laughed. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
He laughed too. “I don’t know why not. It’s not that far from the truth. She did get mad at me for rejecting her advances just now.”
“I’m sorry about that. I have to figure a way to get her to move out.” She waved a hand. “But I don’t need to trouble you with that.”
For a long moment, they both just sat there. The gentle glow of the reading light illuminating the spines of the books made the room feel cozy. And above, the ceiling fan was slowly rotating, so despite the overly warm day, the temperature was comfortable.
“So tell me, Riva, what do you think of Wes? He really seemed to like you. And, believe me, I know the guy, I’m not exaggerating. I never saw him warm up to a woman that quickly before.To be honest, I was hoping he’d be interested in Windy. I could imagine those two together. Wes seems the kind of man who could use some kind nurturing. Windy would be good for that.”
“Yeah, he told me a bit about his ex and his daughters. Sounds like he might’ve gotten the short end of the stick.”
“That’s how he and I became friends. We met at church and became golf buddies. Then we discovered we’d been through similar experiences with our wives. Oh, Livvie didn’t die like Anne did, but she left Wes high and dry in a similar way.”
Riva just nodded. “Both sound hard.”
“Yeah. A bad marriage leaves some wounds, for sure.”
“I appreciate how Wes takes his share of responsibility for his failed marriage. Not all guys would do that.”
Marcus glanced at the book in his lap, fiddling with the bent corner of the cover and then looked up. “I realize I’m partly to blame for Anne’s discrepancies too,” he said quietly. “I wasn’t the most attentive husband.”
“I think you told me that before,” she said. “I don’t know if there’s anyone who’s been married or is still married who hasn’t made mistakes. Even if you’re heroic, you’re still human, right?” She smiled.
He barely nodded. “I guess you’re right.”
“I think we all need to move on. We need to remember to forgive ourselves and to forgive others ... like Jesus taught. I don’t think we need to keep dragging ourselves through it or carry that old baggage with us.” She told him about drumming with Windy and how freeing and invigorating it had been when she finally allowed herself to move forward. “I had kind of an aha moment ... when I realized that my inability to participate and enjoy myself socially was related to my last two years of caring for Paul, watching him, well, dying, I felt like a giant light bulb went on.”
“How’s that?” he asked.
“Well, like I said, Paul was dying. There was no getting around it. Every day I could see him getting weaker, having more pain,steadily fading away ... I knew he was leaving me.” She took in a steadying breath. “I think in a way, I sort of began to go with him. Does that even make sense?”
Marcus leaned forward with interest. “I think it’s beginning to, but can you elaborate a little?”
She shrugged. She actually wanted to minimize the experience. But at the same time, it was a very big deal to her. She wanted to be open about it. “While I was drumming with all those women, I began to feel like I was waking up. Like it was time to return to the land of the living. But I had to make a choice. I needed to be willing to do more than just exist. I needed to fully live life again. For some reason, beating on a drum helped. Sure, it was only one small step, but it took me out of my comfort zone, and I really wanted it. As strange as it sounds to hear myself say this, I’m ready to embrace life now.” She considered this. “Okay,embracemight be too strong a verb at the moment. I know myself too well. But I do want to participate ... to learn to embrace. I don’t want to be shut down or partially dead. I really do want to live now.”
Was it her imagination or were his eyes glistening? They both just sat for a bit and then he spoke. “Thank you for sharing that. I needed to hear those words.”
