“I’m certain of that, Mitch. So let yourself off the hook for letting it slip your mind.”
“It didn’t slip my mind. It didn’tentermy mind. I’m as mad at myself for this oversight as I am at Mary for overstepping.”
“Well, to prevent something like this from happening again, I advise you to set boundaries with her.”
“Believe me, I did. I came down pretty hard on her, but I guess I should have been thanking her for seeing to it.” He frowned. “On the other hand…”
When he paused, she said, “Don’t stop there. On the other hand, what?”
“It was a rite of passage for Andrew. She denied me the experience. It wasn’t me holding his hand when he walked in. I didn’t get to see his first reaction to the bunny.”
He turned his head and gazed out the window. The sun had fully set, but there was still a rim of gold on the western horizon. That last sliver of sunlight picked up the lighter streaks in his brown hair, turning them to filaments of copper. It made his eyes so blue they appeared to be electric.
But there was no mischief in them now. His expression was introspective and forlorn. She didn’t interrupt whatever he was reflecting on. Finally he turned back to her and stated, “I don’t know how to be a mother.”
She wanted badly to reach across the table and place her hand over his, but feared that touching him, even in consolation, could be hazardous. To her, if not to him.
“You weren’t programmed to be,” she said softly.
“Not wired that way.”
“Precisely. How youarewired and what you are to Andrew is going to be sufficient.”
He looked at her as though he wanted desperately to believe that. “I’m going to Lafayette tomorrow, tour the school, meet the teacher. At ten a.m. I’m sorry to skip out on you, but I can’t reschedule because Mary already told Andrew that I’m coming. He’s excited to show me the rabbit. I can’t disappoint him.”
“See? You’re more than sufficient.”
Under the table, he restlessly drew his knees up, then stretched out again. “Well, Mary is questioning my sufficiency. This afternoon she called me an ‘absent parent’ and cited some negative effects my absenteeism could have on Andrew’s development.”
“Oh,” Dylan said with sudden insight. Sensing what was coming, she now understood his urgency to talk to her.
“Yeah. She delivered me a gut punch, because there was an underlying suggestion that it might be better for Andrew if the present living arrangement was made permanent.”
“That she and Hank get guardianship?”
“She didn’t come right out and say that, but I sensed it’s occurred to her to try.”
“Have either of them ever broached that with you?”
“Never. Which is why it jarred me. I may not be programmed to be a mother, but I’m Andrew’s father. I’d go to hell and back before giving him up.” He chuffed a bitter laugh. “I have gone to hell and back.”
He hunched his shoulders, propped his elbows on the table, and with praying hands rubbed the center of his forehead. In her peripheral vision Dylan saw the waitress approaching. Shegave a small shake of her head. The waitress took in Mitch’s body language and retreated.
Half a minute lapsed before he lowered his hands. “I’m not very good company tonight. Not a single joke or wisecrack springs to mind. Sorry.”
“No apology necessary. I’m getting to see another side of you.”
“Is it an improvement over the other?”
She smiled, but didn’t respond to the question, afraid he would misinterpret if she told him she liked both sides of him. Instead, she asked, “When you said you’d been to hell and back, were you referring to your deployments?”
“They were hell, for sure. I was lucky to come through them with only a few dings.” Then he shot her one of his grins. “And a couple of tats, but you’ll never see them unless we get better acquainted.Muchbetter acquainted.”
She felt her blush, and he must have noticed, because he gave a short laugh before becoming serious again. “No, the hell I was referring to was the aftermath of Angela’s death. You already know about that. At downward spirals, I’m an Olympian.”
“Do you want to talk more about it now? Here?”
“I never want to talk about it, even though you told me that sitting and saying nothing wouldn’t be very helpful.”
