“Mr. Bickley,” I said in a kind tone. “I have not had the opportunity to tell you how sorry I am for your loss.”
The man raised his head and regarded me bleakly. “It is God’s will.”
His words were flat, uninflected, but I saw the grief deep in his eyes.
“I know,” I answered. “But we who are left behind do not always find comfort in that.”
“I lost my wife some years ago,” Bickley went on, as though I had not spoken. “And my brother after that, in the war—he was not a Quaker. I thought saying good-bye to them the hardest tasks I had undertaken. I was wrong.”
Losing a child was something none of us should endure. For too long a time I’d been uncertain whether Gabriella lived or died. When I’d found her alive, my entire world had glowed with new light, a curtain of darkness dissolving.
“If I can help in any way,” I began. “I am devastated that I did not find Joshua before the worst happened.”
“No.” Bickley’s word was sharp as he focused on me. “Thou art not to blame, Gabriel.Iam.”
Chapter 14
Istared at Bickley, wondering if he were confessing to murdering his own son.
The man drew a breath and continued as wind brought us the sharp smell of the sea. “The fault is mine for my wickedness. Joshua died for my sins.”
I was relieved he spoke metaphorically. “The guilt isnotwith you, sir. An evil man has done this, and I intend to discover who.”
Bickley studied me with empty eyes. “How will that matter? Then another will lose his life,hisfamily will be ruined, and none of that will return my boy to me.”
His words gave me a pang of uneasiness. Murderers were hanged, but that never stopped more innocents from being killed. What did we achieve?
Then again, I would not let whoever murdered that poor lad get away with it.
I thought Bickley would say more, but he only gazed at me and then beyond at Peter. A profound sadness came over him, the stiff breeze tugging his coat.
I had no idea how to comfort him. Any words that came to me sounded inadequate in my head, so I kept them confined there.
Bickley’s focus drifted back to me. “After the inquest, I will leave Brighton and go to Chichester. My half-sister has agreed that I will dwell with her.”
I gave him a nod. “I hope you find peace there.”
“I was supposed to find peacehere,” Bickley said. “Good afternoon, Gabriel. And good-bye.”
He held out his hand, and I shook it. Bickley’s eyes welled with tears as he clung to me for a few seconds.
Then he released me, turned abruptly, and marched across the shingle, making for the main part of town.
“Poor bugger,” Brewster said, watching him go. “A strange cove, but I feel that sorry for him. Can’t be easy, having his son murdered like that.”
“No.” I glanced at Peter who had returned to skimming rocks into the ocean. He was not the son of my body, but I was growing to care for him as though he were my own.
“He never mentioned Miss Purkis,” I said. “The Quaker woman who has also gone missing.”
Brewster nodded. “Noticed. You think she’s dead too?”
“I sincerely hope not.” I called to Peter. “Come, lad, let us go back. Your mother should be awake by now.”
This aspect did not excite Peter, but for my part, I was anxious to speak to Donata.
* * *
Jacinthe did notwish to allow me into Donata’s chamber. I planted myself solidly in the doorway and stared her down. As I was now head of the household, I could bodily move her aside if I chose and be considered justified doing so.
