“Aww …” The big guy has a mushy heart. “I didn’t realize she’d been your high school sweetheart.”
“Yeah.” I run a hand over my head and stare at the ceiling panels. “I’ve been so mad at her that I’d forgotten the good things about our relationship.”
He backs up into the hallway as if he needs more room than my office offers. He rests his hands on the doorframe and leans in for our conversation. “That’s amazing that you two made amends. Do you think you’ll try getting back together?”
There was a time when such a question would ignite fireworks inside me. Not the entertaining kind, but the blow-your-head-off-forgetting-too-close kind. Now I’m as cool as the rain that ruined yet another Independence Day in Portland. “She’s remarried.”
“No kidding. What about … ?” He looks down as if trying to be nonchalant, but I know where he’s heading. He’s going to ask about—
“Gemma?” I say along with him.
“Yeah. The actress who wanted you to play her hero.”
I can’t help smiling at the memory. At all the memories. “Nowshewas trouble.”
Harris shakes before erupting with his contagious belly laugh. “True. But you never smiled this much before her.”
I’ve been making changes lately, and they all started with her. The smile Harris is talking about, I feel it on the inside as well. If Gemma were here to kiss right now, it would be a happy kiss.
Just the idea makes me want to track her down and kiss her. I run my fingers through my hair at the realization. It’s not surprising that I want to kiss her but that I’m not scared of reconnecting without knowing it’s a sure thing.
I’ve spent my life throwing people in jail, and I don’t only mean literally. If anyone in my life hurt me at all, I’d lock them up. My mom. My wife. And now Gemma.
She didn’t even do anything wrong. She just reminded me of someone who had. So I ended things.
Maybe I don’t have to be like that anymore. I explore the recesses of my heart. The areas that are usually behind bars and monitored with security cameras now seem to have open doors.
I wait for my mental alarms to go off. A warning. A siren. A phone call about breach of protocol. But there’s nothing.
Is my heart completely unprotected? How is that safe? And why doesn’t it bother me?
I frown up at Harris as if he has the answer. And he does.
Seeing him hulking in my door, I can’t imagine any students messing with him. He’s obviously strong. With that strength comes ease. Confidence. He doesn’t have Small Man Syndrome. He doesn’t have to bark at everyone like a chihuahua. He can just be.
This is what is happening to me. I’ve grown stronger. Not physically, but emotionally. I’m confident enough to believe I’m worth loving even if I fail at being Gemma’s hero. I’m capable of being there for her even if she doesn’t stay here for me.
“Harris.”
He lifts his eyebrows as if he’s already been listening a while for me to say something. “Yeah?”
“I think I made a mistake in saying goodbye to Gemma.”
“Yeah.” It isn’t a question this time.
My pulse not only races but jumps hurdles in its haste to right another wrong. I scramble to grab my phone from out of one of the boxes. I have to call Gemma right now. I have to let her know that I won’t be comparing her to Amber anymore. “When were you going to tell me?”
He shrugs. “After I knew for sure that you weren’t getting back together with Amber.”
“I told you she’s remarried. Keep up, man.” I truly hope Amber’s new husband loves her the way her first husband should have. Just as I truly hope Gemma chooses to give me a second chance at this love thing. Though I’ll start with the hope she answers the phone when she sees my name.
I tap on my contacts list. I tap on the magnifying glass icon. I start to type Gemma’s name. I’m typing so fast it doesn’t pop up before I finish. I type her full name and then hitdone. No phone number appears. I must have spelled her name wrong.
I retry and tapdoneagain. What is wrong with my phone?
No results found?
Oh yeah. In a fit of rage, I’d removed her from my contacts.
