“Karson,” I whisper.
He pulls into the fire station as though he didn’t hear me. Maybe he didn’t. My noisy classmates are in a huddle, laughing and shouting. Charlie and Kai break free, waving and holding their arms out in shrugs as if to ask what happened to me. Such a good question.
“Get out, unless you want me to drive you home.” Karson’s eyes darken with challenge. If I let him drive me home, it would give us time alone, which would most definitely involve more of his angry kisses.
My lips part at the possibility. The more kisses he gives me, the harder it would be to stop kissing. While I do want to kiss, he knows those aren’t the type of kisses I want. One of us would have to compromise, and no matter who it was, both our hearts would be broken.
Though could it really be any worse than it is right now? “If I get out now, will I see you again?”
He faces forward. “No, Gemma.”
I hate his armor. I hate that it makes him the villain of my story. If he’d just put down his weapons, it would give me some hope that we could call a truce.
Goodbye is inevitable, so I might as well say it now. He’s not coming back to class. He’s got nothing more to offer me. This is how his wife must have felt when he refused to change careers.
I reach for the door handle. “Goodbye.”
My roommates start to give me a bad time about my ride on the fire truck, but when I don’t laugh with them, their mirth subsides. I stare out the back window of the Jeep as their conversation turns to the film competition, and I’m filled with this inexplicable need to call my sister.
Jewel might offer some insight into Karson. After all, they’d spoken for a little while when I was giving my statement to the fireman. What did she think of him? Did she notice his anger? Did she see through it to the hero underneath?
“What do you think, Gemma?” Charlie interrupts my thoughts.
I blink and realize we’re in our parking lot. “Sure,” I say.
“Sure?” Kai’s tone drips with condescension, and he twists around to challenge me with a look. “Sure, we can call our filmLost Soles, spelled S-O-L-E-S?”
I want to get out, but I’m stuck until Charlie opens the door. They have me captive, so I ponder the title aloud. “Lost Soles. Like the shoes got lost, but really, it’s the innermost beings of our characters.”
Charlie smacks Kai. “She gets it.”
Kai studies me closer. “That’s a little dark for you.”
My soul feels dark, but I force a smile. “The pun lightens it.”
Charlie nods emphatically. “The writer has spoken.”
“Can the writer get out now?”
He pops his door and tilts the seat forward.
He’s letting me go because he got his way, but I feel Kai’s eyes follow me, and not because of the dumb movie name. I attempt a happy little wave so he can relax. “I’ll see you at boot camp class in the morning.”
Kai steps out from the driver’s seat. “I’m not going to boot camp. I decided to start running again. It’s been a while, so I’m doing the ‘Couch to 10K’ training program.”
This time I pause to study him. He used to be a competitive runner, but after an injury, he gave up and pretty much dented our couch with his backside. Falling in love with Charlie’s sister has spurred him into becoming a better person.
This would give me hope that a woman can change a man, except Meri left to pursue her own dreams in Africa. He’s not doing it for her. He’s doing it for himself.
If a person changes for another person, then is the change real? It wasn’t in that Clint Eastwood movie where he played an alcoholic who only quit drinking and killing people until his wife passed away.
Obviously I’m not thinking about Clint or Kai. I’m thinking about Karson. Do I want Karson to let go of his anger just for me? No, I want it to be real. Like Kai’s changes.
My voice is tiny when I squeak out, “I’m proud of you, Kai.” Then I escape to my room.
I fall onto my bed and stare at the vaulted ceiling. I want to call my sister to hear what she has to say about Karson. I just don’t want to hear her say it to me because she’s sure to use her mean voice.
I dig my phone out of my purse and click on contacts. I stare at my photo of Jewel with Forrest and Daisy. She’s like me, but she’s made something of herself.
