She looks me up and down and doesn’t disagree.
“And then the thing with Thad triggered him.”
Her lips press together before she asks, “Who’s Thad?”
I take a deep breath. Jewel is not the first person I run to with my embarrassing stories, but I did come here for help. “Well, I tripped when I was trying to rescue a dummy from a smoke-filled room—”
“I’m not even going to ask.” She narrows her eyes as though she’d prefer to judge me as cuckoo than actually listen to an explanation of why this was a perfectly sane thing to do.
I expected as much from her. Whatever. “Thad is the firefighter who carried me to safety.”
“Gemma.” She covers her face and leans forward with her elbows on her knees. Her shoulders shake in laughter.
I sit up straight and flail my arms. Why did I think she’d be any help? “I hope you don’t treat your clients like this.”
“I’m sorry.” She wipes her eyes. “It’s just that every woman in the world would love to have your problems.”
“You haven’t even heard the problem yet.”
“Okay.” She clamps one hand over her mouth and motions for me to continue with the other hand.
I wait to see if she’s going to bust out laughing again. When she doesn’t, I look to heaven and share the story. It’s not as if our situation can get any worse. I sigh and finish with, “I want to be with Karson, but I don’t want to be compared to his ex.”
She removes her hand to say, “Okay,” again. It’s a serious tone and her expression has sobered to match it. “People with abandonment issues often throw the baby out with the bathwater.”
This isn’t the answer I wanted. It’s not even hopeful. “What can I do to fix him?”
“Nothing.”
Why in the world did I pick her as the mentor character of my life story? “I don’t believe you.”
“Because you don’t want to believe me, or because the truth hurts?”
I sit up straight, indignant. “Because I write romance, and I know love always wins.” But does it? I’m single. And I haven’t sold any of my romantic comedy scripts yet. I’m certainly no expert.
Jewel smiles sadly. “Love is letting other people make decisions for themselves. Even when it’s not what we want. Even when they make bad choices out of brokenness. You can invite them into a healthy relationship, but that requires you working on yourself enough to know you’ll be okay without them if they won’t do the work needed to get themselves healthy. Doing the work for them is not love. It’s enabling their unhealthy behavior.”
That’s not how any of my scripts end. That’s not how any of my favorite movies end. There’s always some grand gesture. Like when Noah restored the old house for Allie inThe Notebook. I know that wasn’t the healthiest relationship, but they spent the rest of their lives together. Literally. “Don’t people like Karson need to be loved in order for their brokenness to be healed?”
Jewel smiles sadly. “They already are.”
I open my mouth to argue, but she’s got me there. Because I know she’s talking about Jesus. My mean, selfish, worldly sister is preaching to me, and I hate that she’s right. I want Karson to need me too. But that’s my own brokenness.
“Karson’s ex-wife made an unhealthy demand of him out of her fears. That hurt him, so he made unhealthy choices out of his own fears. They might not be the wrong choices, but they are unhealthy because they’re driven by fear.” Jewel dispenses more stupid wisdom.
How is it she can know these things in her head and not live them from her heart? How can I?
“Trying to fix Karson isn’t going to fix anything.”
I huff and look out the window at Daisy teaching Forrest to drive the police car. It’d been barely over a week since I watched Karson racing a similar car with his nephew.
He’d become my hero when he came to my house to protect me, and it was that very job that separated him from his first wife. Is what brought him to me also going to separate us? Was this really all for nothing?
“Karson has reasons to be hurt and angry, but if he doesn’t let go of that pain, it’s going to haunt his current relationships. He’ll be too busy protecting himself to fulfill his purpose of protecting others.”
I close my eyes. There’s a reason people don’t like preachers. They speak some hard truths.
“All you can do is work on you. For example, if there’s any truth to Karson’s concerns, you start there.”
