She’s quiet, staring over the edge toward the ground. I imagine that normally she’d be gushing in awe over the view or taking advantage of our moment alone by melting into my arms. I would much rather she be doing one of those things.
I extend an olive branch. “Sorry about that.”
Her gaze slides to mine, though her face doesn’t move. “I thought you would get a chuckle over the shirtless thing since you made such a big deal out of it at our first class.”
I exhale. Best I can do. “Itisironic.”
She lifts her chin, now studying my face as if to get a better read. “How so?”
I don’t want to tell her, but I need to have told her. I tried Saturday night, but she’d assumed we were talking about my mom, and that was a heavy enough conversation for our first date.
She holds out a hand in a half shrug. “I thought you were scared of relationships because of the way your mother left, but what does that have to do with Thad?”
I shake my head at our situation. Of all the places for us to have this conversation. But I can’t let my wound fester between us any longer. “The firefighters didn’t use to be part of our safety program. It was only citizen’spoliceacademy.”
Her eyes flick to the tower and back. “Okay … ?”
“One of the women in our PR department thought it would be good for our image if we partnered with the fire department.”
She nods like I was hoping she wouldn’t. “I can understand that,” she says.
My stomach twists, forcing out a grunt.
She peeks at my expression, trying to read ahead. “So now you have a rivalry. I think that’s pretty common.”
I run a hand over my face. There’s nothing common about it. “That woman who made the suggestion was my wife.”
Her hand drops to her heart, and her eyes widen in horror rather than their normal innocence.
Silence hangs between us. I need her to respond, so I know what direction to go with this. I hate that I’m in this position. I hate that the first woman I loved put me here, and the woman I’m falling in love with might judge me for it.
“You … you’ve been married?” Gemma barely whispers.
This is what I was afraid of. I shake my head and look away, trying to hold back the rage that threatens to turn me into the Hulk. “Yes.”
“Yes? Then why did you shake your head? You just shook your head.”
Ever the optimist, Gemma hears me say I was married but wants to believe she heard wrong. She’s a dreamer, but this situation is a nightmare.
“I shook my head because you’re going to break up with me now.” I wait for her to end it. I don’t want her to end it, but if I expect the worst, then I won’t be disappointed. That’s what I’d been trying to do from the very beginning.
She doesn’t deny it. Instead she says, “Where’s your wife now?” She looks over the bucket toward the ground, as if one of the women below is my ex, though I’m pretty sure Myrna is the only single lady in the parking lot. “Did she leave you for a firefighter? Did she leave you for Thad? Is that why you’re triggered?”
Why does Gemma have such an overactive imagination? I hate that the idea even enters her mind. Is it because she sensed my animosity or becauseshewould leave me for Thad? “No, she didn’t leave me for Thad.”
Her eyes fly to my ring finger, as though she suspects I ran off and got married in Vegas since the last time we saw each other, and this is how I chose to tell her. “I know you were single when I signed up for your class. I made sure.”
I’m lucky she didn’t have access to background checks the way I do.
“What happened?”
With the way her mind concocts scenarios, I should just let her keep going until the truth is mild in comparison. But maybe she’llactuallystick with me through the hard stuff the way my wife had vowed to.
I take a deep breath to help rip off the Band-Aid. “She was in PR, like I said. I don’t know if she chose that career because she was all about image, or she cared so much about image because of that career. It doesn’t matter now.” I’m rambling. So I get to the point. “But once she saw how much the community praised firefighters and despised policemen, she begged me to change careers.”
Gemma’s lips separate. She blinks. “She didn’t leave you for a firefighter. She left because she wantedyouto become a firefighter?”
It sounds ridiculous. But it didn’t start that way. “It started with the suggestion of a career change. Then she started giving me statistics on how dangerous it is to be a policeman, which I know. But it got to the point that anytime something bad happened, we’d have a big blowup.”
