“Will, she never even considered you,” Jackson corrected, referring to Ari.
Will was still living in his fairy-tale world.
He thought they’d last forever just because Ari was his first time. If he knew that I’d turned her down for two years in a row before I slept with her just for fear of him flipping out when he found out we were together he probably wouldn’t treat me so condescendingly. I put the joint out.
“Enough bullshit. We can joke, fight, but there’s one thing we all have to agree on,” I burst out, catching both their attention. They were the only people I cared about enough to throw gas on myself and light myself on fire for without thinking about it. Along with Jasper.
But now because of a girl, Will was starting to lack the group spirit. I couldn’t stand that.
I put one hand on the nape of Jackson’s neck and the other on Will’s head to bring our foreheads together.
“We three are all that matters.”
Will broke our eye contact first.
“Yeah, okay, but you’re not talking about just any girl, you’re talking about June.”
“Again with this shit, Will? I’m talking about friendship, which is important. Much more important than a notch on a bedpost.”
“I don’t just want that from June.”
“Oh, yeah, right. She’s special,” I teased, turning on a vape pen.
I wanted to change the subject, but William was stubborn.
“She’s special. And you don’t understand shit,” he insisted.
Maybe not, but I had the eyes to see how June White looked at me.
“She isn’t special, Will, she’s just like all the others.”
William didn’t seem to understand that her moral character was so strong that she’d never get past what we did. She’d go to the police in a heartbeat.
“Do you mean the others that prefer you to me, James?”
The truth was that I didn’t want Will to get hurt by her or by anyone else. Nor did I want him to trust a meddler he’d only known for a month.
But how the fuck could I tell him that?
I knew June White. I’d felt her with my hands. Her body temperature changed when I was next to her. And I’d seen it with my own eyes. Her lower lip trembled if I got too close to her. She wanted to act tough, but she was just like all the others. No more, no less. Maybe I should’ve shown that to him too. I had to bang her and then tell William, so he’d finally understand who he was dealing with.
“I care about her, James.”
I didn’t see that confession coming.
“Do you love her?”
“I don’t know.”
For Christ’s sake. That wasn’t enough.
He was still leaning on the windowsill. A light breeze came through the open shutter, assuaging my boiling-hot body. The bruises still hurt, making the hot sensation that suddenly overtook me and the bursts of heat insufferable at the most inappropriate times too.
“You don’t know, Will? Are you kidding?” I got angry.
He turned away to the door, so I ran after him and blocked him. “No, no. Hey, Will, stop.”
He broke free of my grip, but I forced him to look me in the eye.
