“Everything okay?”
I nodded briefly, then positioned myself next to him. Will stretched toward the nightstand to arrange his medicine, and I flashed a smile at him when he moved a lock of hair away from my forehead.
Finally the thoughtful, kind guy was back. We were in the dark, as close as could be, and my heart was beating wildly.
William squeezed me toward him, and I hugged him back, putting my cheek on his chest.
“I promise it’ll become a distant memory. The thing with Austin,” he murmured softly.
“I hope so.”
I looked up a little to meet his gray eyes, which shut when our mouths slid over each other’s. The way we kissed was violent, maybe because we were cramped in his bed, or maybe because something was really growing between us. I decided to quit my usual rationalizing. I just wanted to turn my brain off and be myself. But something was preventing me from doing that, and not letting me go all in. I slowly pulled away from the kiss and put my head on the pillow. Our gazes and legs interlocked with each other. The dark made our bodies look darker, but I could see the contrasting sensations in his eyes. Maybe remorse, maybe resentment.
I was lost in my thoughts, but I quickly snapped out of it when William rolled on top of me. His lifted my T-shirt.
I just hoped there wasn’t too much flesh there.
William started kissing me again slowly and I stopped pointlessly being paranoid. My fingers wiggled on the cotton on his back as if I wanted to hug him again. I felt his breath accelerate as soon as I pushed both hands through his golden curls.
“Your friends are downstairs, you know—”
We smiled, our noses touched in a goofy and clumsy way, but Will rushed to reassure me.
“Don’t worry, they won’t come up.”
I held my breath because while he said those words, his hand was touching my quivering body even more, reaching under my shirt and grazing my stomach. I exhaled a long breath against his parted lips.
Will didn’t seem to care about my imperfections. Instead, he groaned a moan of approval when his hand moved up to grab my breast. The hot, unexpected touch made me arch my back. His next move was even more unexpected. He grabbed my hips with both hands and then slid them down toward my shorts. I let him do it, possibly because I was dazed from the pleasant sensation of that kiss.
But I didn’t know what else to do next. I stopped myself, like I was paralyzed by an unknown fear. Either it was being undressed under him or maybe the fact that I was heavier than the other girls at my school and soon Will would realize it. He didn’t seem to care. He kept kissing me on the mouth, and with one hand he traced the skin on my stomach again down to the edge of my underwear.
“Will.”
My voice was quiet but firm, so much so that he immediately understood my reluctance and took his fingers away immediately.
“Sorry,” he said.
“No, I don’t think it’s the right time.”
“Okay.”
His hand drifted to my hip and he rested his cheek against the palm of my hand, while I stared at the ceiling with my chest heaving. I still wasn’t feeling it. There was no point in beating around the bush.
“It’s just—”
“If you don’t want to or you’re not ready, that’s fine. You don’t owe me an explanation.” He shrugged it off, flashing me an earnest grin.
Now you’re perfect, but today you were really out of your mind.
There wasn’t a real correlation between what we could’ve done, my not feeling ready, and his crazy behavior. But I still didn’t trust him.
“Will, today—”
“Did I scare you?”
“No, but I’d never seen that side of you,” I admitted, biting my lip.
“I know we aren’t choir boys.”
