Ivy bit her tongue to keep from asking how Celia knew that for sure. The answer was that Tyler had watched Ivy get worse and worse over the years. He’d watched her fail him and his sister in innumerable ways. Maybe he’d finally decided he’d had enough.
Suddenly, Celia’s phone rang. They both nearly leaped out of their skin, thinking it was finally Lily with news. But it was only Landon, Celia’s boyfriend.
“I’ll keep it quick,” Celia said, answering the call.
Ivy wandered behind the counter and pressed her forearms against the glass. A part of her wondered if she’d be able to sell the flower shop for more, now that Elliot had fixed it up. Oh, but that surely meant that she’d have to give some of the money to Elliot. The pressure of her mounting debt felt insurmountable.
“You’re kidding,” Celia whispered to Landon on the phone. “He’s there?”
Ivy yanked her head around to look at her sister. Celia let the phone hang off to the side as she said, “He’s at Landon’s place. Come on!” She hung up on Landon without meaning to, then called him back as soon as they got into the car and headed his way.
“You’re on speaker,” she told him.
“Hey Ivy,” Landon said. He sounded weary, as though he’d much rather be in bed. “It sounds like you’ve had a rough night.”
“Is he okay?” Ivy asked. There was more shriek to her voice than she’d planned for.
“He’s all right, yeah,” Landon said. “Um. I guess I should warn you. He got a little bit drunk tonight. I think that’s why he didn’t want to come home. But he didn’t know where to go.”
Ivy gripped the steering wheel hard and swallowed down her anger and fear.
“I’m glad he knew to come to you,” she said.
“He can always come to me,” Landon affirmed. “He’s asleep on the sofa now, but I’ll get him up so he’s ready for you.”
Ivy thanked him, and Celia hung up the phone and took Ivy’s hand between the seats.
“Drunk?” Ivy rasped.
“Come on,” Celia breathed. “Don’t you remember what we were like as teenagers? This town is relatively safe for teenagers who’ve had a few beers. People watch out for each other.”
Ivy knew her sister offered logic, that a few beers after your mother had disappointed you again was really nothing. She thanked her lucky stars above that he was all right, that he was sleeping. And she reminded herself to handle the next hours and days with grace.
She reminded herself that she had made so many mistakes. She had to atone for them.
At Landon’s place, Celia and Ivy stepped delicately into the foyer, from where they could see Tyler slung out on the sofa, his mouth open. He was wearing the same polo shirt Ivy had seen him in that morning, not long before she’d asked him to go to dinner. She felt a pang of nostalgia and wished he were a baby again, that she could carry him home.
Celia and Landon went into the kitchen, leaving Ivy time to tiptoe into the darkness of the living room and wake up her son. Feeling strange, she sat at the edge of the sofa with her hands on her knees and listened to her son’s soft snores and her sister and Landon’s conversation in the kitchen. Celia explained to Landon that Ivy had had “one of the worst days ever.” Celia told Landon she couldn’t tell him, that it was private. Landon said he understood.
Gently, Ivy put her hand on Tyler’s knee. He started, his eyes opening to see her. And then he let his head fall on the pillow and said in a cracking voice, “You found me.”
She realized he’d pulled this stunt because he wanted to get her attention.
Tyler pulled himself upright and rubbed his eyes. He smelled vaguely of beer and french fries. Ivy wished she had rehearsed how to talk to him in the car with Celia. She wished she’d been gifted with the ability to talk to teenagers. But did anyone have that?
A half-hour later, Ivy and Tyler were seated at the kitchen table of the house they shared without anyone else. Tyler sipped chamomile tea and tugged at the zipper of his hoodie. Ivy had already told him that they could have this conversation now or tomorrow, after school. But he’d told her he had no plans to go to school tomorrow. He needed a mental health day. She’d agreed to call in for him and to stay home, watching movies and eating grilled cheese sandwiches. She couldn’t wait.
But now that it was one in the morning, hours after Tyler’s so-called disappearance, Ivy needed to tell him what was on her mind. She wanted to address some of the things she’d planned on saying tonight at the Mexican restaurant. If only she’d made it.
“I want to tell you I heard what you said before Christmas,” she said, opening a bag of chips and a can of salsa so that they could snack.
“When you told me that Lily’s done enough for me? For us? I heard you, and I understood. I’m grateful for your honesty, as much as it pained me to hear it.”
Tyler nodded and chewed the edge of a chip, looking grateful for sustenance. He’d told her that he’d spent nearly half an hour at the Mexican restaurant before running off to meet one of his not-so-good friends. One of the ones who’d helped him get in trouble in October. She hadn’t been able to get angry about that, either.
“I know that I haven’t always been the most available mother over the years,” Ivy said. “I’ve worn the fact of my widowhood like a badge of honor, I think. I’ve looked at myself and thought, everything is so much harder for me because I stayed behind in Bluebell Cove. After all, my husband died. After all, I have to raise my kids alone. But feeling sorry for myself has done nothing but create boundaries between the people I love. I should have been able to show you what it means to keep going after loss. I should have pushed you and Lily to go after your dreams, rather than suggesting that a life in Bluebell Cove is all you’ll ever want, rather than suggesting that you should stay here, regardless of what’s in your heart.
“When your father died, it felt like yet another reminder of how unstable life is,” she said, her voice catching. She took a chip and dunked it into the salsa, grateful to have something to do with her hands. The salsa was tangy, juicy, and divine.
