“Uh…” She swallowed and simply chose to nod. “Yes?” Did her voice sound a bit too high? Maybe it sounded too high.
Theo snorted. “All right then.” He flicked his hand at her while he pulled back the covers again. “Scoot over. I can’t sleep on my right side anymore, I wake up hurting if I do.”
Audrey made room on the bed and he finally slid under the sheets, turning out the light as he did. They were plunged into complete darkness, and she gasped and squeezed her eyes shut, curling in on herself when it suddenly swept over her like a death shroud.
That happened faster than she thought it would. She’d be fine, it’d be fine, she just had to—
Theo’s warm arms wrapped around her and pulled her close to his chest. “Come here,” he whispered. “Cuddling is half the fun of a sleepover. At least,Ithink so, anyway.”
But it was too late. The fear had already overwhelmed her. “Theo?” Her voice sounded thin and shaky in the dark, even to her own ears. “You wanted another secret?”
“Yeah, I did. What is it?”
Her eyes hadn’t adjusted to the deep blackness of the room, and she couldn’t even make out his outline. She turned over and tried to trace it in front of her by running a trembling hand along where she thought his face might be, desperately shoving the panic down.
It wasn’t working.
“I’m still afraid of the dark.”
“Oh shit!I’m sorry.” He pulled away from her and the light popped back on. She blinked rapidly and tried to still her racing heart. Theo was facing her again in an instant, his eyes wide and hisexpression worried. He tucked her under his chin, making soft shushing noises while she trembled. “I’m so sorry, Audrey. I didn’t know.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t tell you,” she finally managed to whisper between deep, calming breaths. “I just didn’t think you’d turn the light out that quickly. Didn’t even have time to prepare myself to fake composure.” A laugh bubbled up in her chest and mixed with a sob. “Boy, you’re getting to learn all the most embarrassing things about me all at once, aren’t you? First that I’m a huge failure in relationships, and now that I’m a baby who can’t even handle the lights being out. God, are you sure you’re still interested? I’m actually kind of a mess.”
Theo smirked at her with only the slightest wicked gleam in his eyes. “Honestly? I’m glad it’s not just me for once.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “And besides, do you think I’m not one giant, lumbering ball of anxiety? Have you met me?”
“That’s true.”
“You weren’t supposed to agree so quickly.”
She burrowed into his chest while she laughed, and his own chuckle rumbled while he gently stroked her hair. “So what do you do at home?” he asked. “Tell me how I can make you comfortable here.”
Audrey glanced up at him from beneath the curtain of her hair. Not a single ounce of judgment was reflected in his gaze while he watched her and waited.
“I have dimmable fairy lights strung through my bed frame. Battery operated, and we put blackout privacy curtains around each of our spaces so the light doesn’t leak out and bother Violet.” She paused and felt her cheeks burn for what seemed like the thousandth time tonight. “And I also have Petey.”
“Petey?” Theo tilted his head curiously.
“Oh no, this is so embarrassing.” Audrey hid her face in herhands. “He’s my stuffed puffin,” she mumbled. “They’re my favorite animal. Have you ever seen one?”
“Yeah, on Animal Planet and in pictures, probably. Maybe not in person.”
“Well, I love them. They’re quirky, happy-looking birds, with striped beaks and vibrant mouths. I like how scrappy they are, and their beaks have my favorite colors—shades of yellow and red and orange, all bright like sunshine.”
She peeked at him through the spaces between her fingers. “When I was around four or five, my foster parents at the time took me and their other kids to the zoo. I’d only just been taken from my mom, and I was having a lot of trouble adjusting to…well, everything, really. I don’t remember much from that time other than crying a lot and having constant nightmares—of all kinds of terrifying things, twisting and lurking and growling in the dark of my room when I was alone. I’d wake up screaming, and trying to go back to sleep was useless. I still don’t usually sleep that well, or that deeply.”
She sighed. “I don’t remember much else, though, including my mom. I can’t see her face in my mind’s eye anymore. I know I saw it, I know I knew her, but it was so long ago, I wouldn’t even recognize her if you were to show me a picture. I only know a handful of details about her situation from having read my file.
“But the one big thing I do remember is when my first foster parents took us to that zoo. They had some Atlantic puffins there in an enclosure with a pool behind glass. I loved them, how cute they were, hopping around on the rocks—and how elegant and sleek they looked when they swam in the water, like they were made for that. Even though they could technically fly in the air, they didn’t need to because they could in the water. They were free there.
“When we got to the gift shop, I begged for a stuffed puffin to take home with me, and my foster dad bought me one. I was only in that house for a few months before I had to go to another, but Peteywent with me everywhere, to every new foster home, every new school, all of it. And he’s still there. Maybe the only constant I’ve ever had.”
“What happened to your mom? Do you know?”
Audrey bit her lip. “She died, maybe around when I was six or seven. Opioid overdose. She was a drug addict, and someone called CPS on her to come take me away when I was about four. According to my file, I was starving—too skinny, the neighbor said. My mom was so strung out, she wasn’t feeding me properly.”
It hurt telling him this. It was one of her wounds that was always the most raw, always perpetually tender, at least a little, even when she didn’t necessarily feel it there. She didn’t poke it as often these days, but whenever she did, it ripped right open again, hurting just as deeply and bleeding just as much as it had the first time.
Theo didn’t say anything.
