“Anyone else?”
“I don’t want to see anyone else.”
“What do you and Diego do?”
Theo shrugged. “Sometimes I order dinner, sometimes he brings it. I miss cooking, but don’t trust myself with a knife. He offers me a beer or a cider or a Coke, I have water instead, and we watch movies. He tries to get me to talk, I don’t say anything, and after he helps me change my wound dressings, he goes home and then comes back again the next evening.”
Her expression softened. “He sounds like a good friend to me.”
“I guess.” He hung his head. “I don’t deserve him either.”
“What makes you think that?”
Wasn’t it obvious?
“Because I’m broken.” Theo threw up his useless hands. “I was defective before, but now I can’t doanythinganymore. I’m a barely ambulatory shell of a man, hardly existing, and even then forwhat? It’s my fault my dad’s dead, and while he might have loved me, I don’t deserve it from anyone else.”
“We’ve been over this, Theo. You are not responsible for your dad’s death.”
“It doesn’t change anything.”
“Where’s your evidence for that? Or for your earlier statement?” She tapped the pen on the pad, more forcefully than before. He could tell she disagreed with him, though her expression stayed neutral. “Where’s your empirical evidence for being undeserving of love? Why do you think others merit love and care, but not you?”
Theo quieted.
“Did your dad think that? Because from what you’ve told me, I don’t think that came from him.”
You’re the shame of the Redmond legacy.
The biggest disappointment this family has seen in generations.
“I don’t want to go there today.” He might have snapped at her with that, but he didn’t apologize, and she didn’t ask him to.
Amelia glanced down at her notebook again before reaching for a nearby file folder. What was she getting? He started to get nervous. He should have kept his mouth shut.
“You’re not going to recommend me for inpatient treatment or anything, are you?” The thought of having to go back into the hospital made his heart race and his stomach churn. He wanted to stay home. He wanted to be alone, where it was at least safe. Where no one could see him like this.
Amelia shook her head. “No, Theo. I know you. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t actually want to be. You came out of your house today to talk to me, after all, and I know that was hard. It speaks to your resilience. You’re still trying, and you’re still talking, so you must want to live, despite everything.”
It was true. He hadn’t managed to completely quash that pesky will to survive.
His left eye twitched a little at the reminder.
She rifled through the folder, plucked a page out from one of the sections, and leaned over to give it to him. It was a pharmaceutical information sheet. “But what Iamgoing to do is call in a prescription for antidepressants to your pharmacy. We’ll try Lexapro first. I want you to pick it up, start taking it regularly, and then tell me how you’re feeling next week. And the week after that. And the week after that. And if we need to adjust things or try a different kind, we will. If you’re game for it, that is.”
He stared down at the paper.
“All right. I’ll think about it.”
“And I want you to start going out in public.”
Theo jerked his head up at her so fast, he grunted in pain when his stitches pulled at the movement. He covered his eye with hisstupid fucking piece of shithand and tried to hold it there. Pressure through the gauze sometimes helped with the pain. “You want me to dowhat? Looking likethis?!”
“Has your doctor told you that you can’t go out?”
“Well, no.”
“You’re here now.”
