We still don’t quite know what it was Mother Hawthorn said to Kit when we could see them and Mina, but not hear them. Kit says it was only what we would have expected, but when he came back to us, his eyes were haunted. I wish I could demand to know what it was she said, or threatened, or revealed, but I know I cannot. He will tell us when he is ready.
That said, we don’t know if Mother Hawthorn has allies who might also know Kit’s secret. However she might have tried to wheedle Kit, we know her aim is hostile; we met her in Buenos Aires before we even knew of Kit’s existence, and she was very clear. The words have stuck in my head: There is still a First Heir in the world. When the First Heir rises, in all the awful glory bought by the bloodof Seelie and Unseelie and Nephilim, I hope destruction comes to the Shadowhunters as well as Faerie. I hope the whole world is lost.
I cannot look at Kit stretched out on the daybed in Mina’s room, his hand fastened around one of the slats of her crib, even while he’s sleeping, and think awful glory. He’s like any Shadowhunter boy, an unordinary sort of ordinary. He likes movies, and spaghetti nights, and he bites his nails. He’s a person, not a destiny.
For now, very few people know of Kit’s heritage. Emma and Julian, you and Magnus, Jace and Clary. Even Julian’s brothers and sisters don’t know, or know only a vague shadow of the truth. But who else might Mother Hawthorn have told? Not the Seelie Court, surely; we are both sure the Queen would have already taken steps to get hold of Kit if she knew. Kieran knows, of course, but we have no idea who in his Court he might have told. (Emma says Mark and Cristina know some, but not all, of the situation.) Obviously Kieran is an ally, and his Court loyal to him. But it’s too easy to imagine an enterprising courtier—or wild fae—might learn the story and seek to take advantage of that knowledge.
The reality, we have realized, is secrets like Kit’s come out eventually and cannot be indefinitely contained. Just among Shadowhunters, keeping it within a small circle of trusted friends still means easily a dozen people.
Which leads us to our first actual request: Would Magnus be able to visit Cirenworth soon to shore up itswards? We’re forced to recognize they are only a temporary solution, but they’re the best we can do.
Meanwhile, we feel strongly (and we’re sure you’ll agree) that we need to try to stay ahead of this threat. We’ve asked Kieran to have his spies keep an ear out for any rumors circulating about the First Heir in Faerie. Would you be willing to do the same through the Alliance? We know the timing of this is terrible for you; we surely would have chosen less of a precarious political moment for the Clave to have this trouble if we could have. Know we support you and will always stand by you. We may have withdrawn from active Shadowhunter life, but we will always be there if you need us.
You’re so young to have taken all of this on your shoulders. Does it not always seem that responsibility comes for us Shadowhunters too early in the morning of our lives? I look at my dear Kit, and I know. We all know what’s ahead, like knowing sunset is approaching on a day you don’t want to end. The long sunny day of Kit’s childhood is nearly over. I shudder to think what he will have to face when night arrives.
With all our love,
Jem and Tessa
EMMA
Dear Bruce,
I hope you’ll forgive me if I’m a little thoughtful today. There’s nobody left here in Blackthorn Hall but me and Julian and there’s a peaceful quiet over the place. Jules is upstairs in his studio and I’m sitting in bed, writing and thinking about the past months.
Something is ending, Bruce. There’s so much still going on—the danger to Kit from Faerie, and whatever’s going on with the Cohort in Idris. Alec is in some kind of minimal contact with them, but who knows how that will go. And among it all, something is coming to an end for Julian and me, and I don’t know what comes next.
(Well, okay, dramatic much, Emma? I know a little bit. See below.)
Maybe it’s that the builders are gone and I’ve gotten used to the sound of them bustling around at all hours. Round Tom gave us a lyrical farewell speech that (a) went on forfive full minutes, which is a very long time to say goodbye; and (b) was both very friendly and also included the line, “Excitement and adventure are your close companions, and I am only a modest maker of dwellings, and so I hope to never meet any of you again as long as I live.”
Julian was annoyed by that. I reminded him faeries can’t lie, and he pointed out Round Tom didn’t need to bring it up at all. Which, fair enough. Julian also pointed out it’s not like Tom’s usual work for members of the Courts is exactly drama-free. Again, fair. Faeries are the most overdramatic Downworlders. Like, more dramatic than vampires, and they spend all their time being like, “Oh, I am undead, how I am cursed, let me apply more eyeliner.”
Oh well, we weren’t looking to be close friends with Round Tom. He did good work, and he was very polite about how happy he was to get away from Chiswick.
Once he and his crew were all gone, we walked through the gardens, but Julian said he felt like he had every detail of the house and gardens carved into his brain, so we left the house alone for a little while and went down to the river.
There’s a little park on the far side of the Thames from Chiswick; it’s a nature reserve called the Leg o’ Mutton Reservoir and it has a lovely walking path around the reservoir itself. (Also, is that not just the most English thing you have ever heard? Why is so much of London so freaking charming?) It’s a little bit of a pain since we have to walk a solid mile to the Barnes Bridge to cross the river,but it was a lovely warm evening and it was nice to walk, Julian and I strolling along together comfortably, one of my favorite ways to be.
Julian made cold chicken sandwiches, and we took them with us along with some lemonade. (Bruce, I may have developed a dangerous addiction to British lemonade. I’m sure there’s a way to get ahold of it in Los Angeles, right? Right?!) We sat on a little blanket alongside the reservoir and watched cormorants diving for fish.
I was feeling mellow and at peace, so of course it was the perfect time to ruin it by bringing up a difficult subject. I was too relaxed to remember to be stressed about it. I said something like, “It’s so beautiful here. But…” Julian looked over at me, not worried, just curious, so I continued, “I’m not sure I want to live fulltime in London. I know we’ve just spent all this time and effort and money on fixing up your family manor and all, but….”
I thought Julian would be angry, or sad, so I was not prepared for his actual reaction, which I would describe as “ba?ed.” “I never thought we’d be full-time here,” he said, as though the idea had never even occurred to him. “I assumed we’d split our time between L.A. and here. But only if that was what you wanted.”
I don’t know why he said the last part, because he surely could see I was no longer worried and was, instead, about to kiss him. “You mean, half and half?” I said.
He shrugged easily. “Whatever we like. L.A. when it’s cold and rainy here, London when it’s hot and burny there.”
I did kiss him then, so I’m going to skip the next five minutes or so, which you, Bruce, are surely not interested in. There was a lot of lemonade-flavored kissing and eventually Jules kissed my ear (which makes hot sparky fizzles go up and down my spine every time) and said, “Wherever you are is where my home is, you know that, right?”
“Sure,” I said, because it was sweet and romantic thing for him to say. But he looked more intent.
“No, I mean…” He shook his head. “It’s not like we’ll split our time between my home here in London and your home there in L.A. I have a home in Los Angeles too. And you have a home here. Blackthorn Hall belongs to my family. And you, Emma, are my family. And we”—he looked at me intently—“will always be together. Unless that’s not what you want. You’re the only person I’ve ever loved romantically, Emma. And I want to spend all the rest of my life with that being true.”
I didn’t have to pause to think about it. “So do I.”
I’d thought before about what it would mean for us to get engaged, but it felt too soon for that. This kind of commitment, these promises, feel right and true.
