“Come,” I said, my voice rough. “I have something for you.”
Her eyes were full of both trepidation and hunger, a mirror of my own. Because whilst I know that I am playing a dangerous game, I can’t help but keep playing.
I had spent the last few hours arranging things she would never ask for.
A soft bed.
Fresh linens.
Warm water.
Clothes that actually fit.
Not because she needed them.
Because she deserved them.
And maybe—just maybe—because I wanted to be the one to give her something good.
Even if only for a moment, before duty tore it all away.
From both of us.
But as her footsteps fall in line with mine, and her mounting trust—fragile, reluctant—lingers between us, I know this truth like a blade at my throat: she will cost me everything.
And I’ll bleed for her anyway.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
ELYSSARA
The streets are quieter now,the din of the tavern fading behind us. The scent of damp stone and smoke hangs in the air, mingling with the faint metallic tang of blood from the fight. My legs wobble slightly, the effects of the ale and the fight coursing through me now that the alley is far behind.
Kael walks just ahead, his stride unbothered, his presence as steady as the stones beneath us. I hate how easy it seems for him, how he can slip from blood-soaked brawls to calm silence without a trace of effort.
I, on the other hand, am unraveling. I always am after a fight. I’m not sure if it’s my recklessness, stupidity or love for my family that makes me impulsively enter into situations that constantly have me outnumbered and under-armed—perhaps it’s all three—but I amalwaysdrawn to the fight.
But now is different, because I’m not alone.
Kael’s presence changes things. The weight of his steadiness presses against my chaos, unsettling in a way I can’t explain. Usually, I’d drown myself in a pint or two, light up a drag of shadeleaf, or lose myself in someone else’s touch. Anything to forget the blood, the fight, the gnawing hollowness that comes after.
I’ve become quite good at tracking down all three, to be honest.Too good. The pints of ale blur the edges of my mind until I can barely remember the blood under my nails. Shadeleaf dulls the sharpness of a life lived purely for survival, and lets me drift somewhere softer, to places where the faces of those I stopped from returning home to their families don’t linger. And the third—well, the third is easiest.
I remember one night back in The Barrier District. My hands still shook from a skirmish with raiders, my pulse too wild to let me sleep. I’d found someone—what was his name? Does it even matter?He’d been kind enough, his touch eager and clumsy, unskilled and hurried, simply chasing his own release. Regardless, for a moment I’d almost felt whole, almost forgotten. But when it was over, and he’d smiled at me like he knew me, I’d felt nothing but emptiness. No, not emptiness.Shame.
I shove the memory down, burying it beneath the numbness I’ve carefully cultivated over years of fighting and killing and fucking and smoking my way through my pain. But I remind myself often;this is survival. And survival doesn’t leave room for regret.
And, I can’t do any of that now, anyway.
I glance at his back, the line of his shoulders too straight, his stride too sure. He doesn’t feel the same ache I do. Or maybe he does, and he’s just better at hiding it. Either way, he’s a reminder of everything I hate about myself right now—the dirt under my nails, the ache in my bones, the way I’m barely holding it together while he seems untouched.
The night air bites at my skin, seeping through the thin fabric of my tunic and the dampness clinging to me. My body hums with tension, and my thoughts won’t quiet. Every step feels like it stretches the space between us, even though I could reach out and grab the edge of his cloak if I wanted.
Not that I would. I don’t need him. I don’t need anyone.
“Ronyn and Seren,” I say, breaking the silence before my thoughts have the chance to swallow me whole. “Will they be okay?”
Kael slows his pace, just enough for me to catch up. “Therion’swith them. He would cut down an army of men before he’d let harm come to them.”
