Which was a strange fucking reaction. Usually when men propositioned me, it angered me. It annoyed me. It didn’t create this flutter in my stomach.
Of course, I didn’t have the history with others that I did with Ingram, so perhaps that made the difference. It took me back my night with them all, with the way they’d excited me, the reaction of my body, the heat that had filled me, the pleasure.
It meant that I couldn’t muster a snappy comeback, not even a full-fledged glare. Instead, I twisted and headed outside, needing quiet and time alone to get myself back under control.
Ingram’s laughter followed me as I stepped onto the porch at the front, seemingly plenty amused by the interaction though he didn’t follow me. I let the door swing shut before leaning my back against the wall, just to the left of the entryway.
My cheeks still felt as though flames licked them, and I couldn’t calm myself. I slid down, my back scraping against the siding, until I crouched right there. Anyone could walk up, could exit the house and see me, but I couldn’t seem to force myself to move.
It was the first time I’d had to actually think about what had happened between us all, about how I’d given in.
No, not just given in. I’d enjoyed every last second of it. I’d basked in the pleasure, in the way they’d touched me, in the sensations I’d never experienced before.
I struggled to make sense of it, and the more I thought about it, the more confusing it became. It felt like a body that wasn’t my own, like something I’d turned into.
I recalled The Pitt, the wayhehad touched me, and it made my skin itch. In the years since, the reaction had been the same. The touch of another against my skin had sickened me, down to my core, making me think that would always be the case.
I’d accepted the insults, the jokes, the names.Blizzard. Frigid. Prude. I’d taken them in and chalked it up to my broken self, to a body and soul crushed unnaturally until nothing else could set it to rights again.
Yet that night, burned into my thoughts, had given me a glimpse of something else, something different.
What did it mean?
Did I want to explore it?
I closed my eyes and let the back of my head strike the outside of the house, wishing it would shake loose the answer.
It didn’t, of course, because life didn’t work that way. No matter what, I’d have to come to a conclusion on my own.
And while no doubt Ingram would say sitting on his facewasthe answer, I had a feeling it might be slightly more complicated than that.
Chapter Four
Shear
The world was too loud.
It usually was, but since returning here, it all seemed so much worse. So many eyes rested on us, and I had no way to escape it all. Anywhere I went, the weight of attention wore on me.
I could sense the thoughts and emotions of those around me without trouble, but it always grew louder when directed at me. It was the difference between overhearing a conversation and hearing my name in one. When people had their focus locked on me, when they thought about me or the rest of my squad, my powers locked in on it.
And there were so many others thinking about us.
Sure, they tried to blend into the crowds of people, the other espers, the guides, the staff, but no amount of training could truly remove their focus. It meant I heard it, even as I tried to ignore it.
Clearly, despite Carter assuring us all was fine, the Guild wasn’t about to just let this go.
Which took me back to what I’d seen in Yun’s memories, the flashes of fear there, the explanation that was as horrific as it was fitting.
How was that possible? I’d spoken with such confidence to the others, telling them that she’d guided a corrupted before, because it was what had happened. I’d seen it. I had no doubts about what I’d witnessed in her mind.
It felt like seeing someone walk on water. Knowing that I’d seen it didn’t change that I didn’t understand how it was possible.
Guides could not help corrupted. That was a fact of life for espers, a basic truth. They’d tried it, back when espers had first appeared, when they’d started losing their minds, but it had never worked.
Guides couldn’t make the connection and espers went mad, every attempt I’d heard of ending in the death of the guide.
So how the hell had Yun done it? Why hadn’t she told anyone? How had she escaped?
