“No.”
I scoffed, mirroring the tone she’d taken with me earlier. “You say you’ve faced death, but what you’ve faced is a human. The things that crawl out of the dungeons aren’t human, they’re not really even alive. They’re corruption made flesh, a force opposite to our own.”
“They’re living, and they can be killed. That’s all that matters at the end of the day.”
“It isn’t all that matters! You talk about this like we can protect ourselves, like this whole thing is to teach guides to be safe. Do you want to know the truth? There is nosafe,not for guides, not for civilians. The only things capable of standing against monsters are espers.”
“So you’ll just let them save you like a coward?”
“Maybe I am a coward, but I’veseenwhat monsters can do, and I’ve seen what dungeons can do, and I’ve seen what espersturn into. I can promise you that if any of us—you included—end up in the sights of one alone, we’d be fucked.”
“You just have to fight—”
“There is no fighting! Don’t you understand that? There’s no running, there’s no hiding. At best there is enduring—if you can—until something else comes along.” I turned fully toward her, letting go of the bars, the memories too close.
I recalled how those monsters had surrounded me, their sickening breath, the way they’d knocked into me as though I were nothing. I rememberedhiseyes, the way he’d stared at me, the cruel smile he wore each time his gaze landed on me. Worse, I remembered his strength, the way there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to resist.
In those moments I’d felt helpless, entirely at the whims of another, unable to doanythingto fight back, to protect myself, to rebel. I’d been forced to swallow that desire, to go along, because I had no chance to fight.
Being so fully outclassed was humbling, but it was a lesson I’d never forget.
No matter what this woman said, the truth was that guides weren’t equipped to handle dungeons, and no amount of exercise would ever change that.
The woman scowled, clearly not taking in what I’d said. That was fine—I’d never have believed it at first either.
Back when I’d been human still, when I’d thought I’d always be human, I’d thought dungeons and portals and monsters were all over-hyped. I thought people made them into something bigger than they were just because they wanted to feel important.
That had been all hubris, though, just ego protecting me from the truth of how small and helpless I truly was against forces that could crush me in an instant if given the slightest chance.
“Then leave,” she snapped. “If you’re so sure that nothing here matters, that you’re just going to roll over and die if you’re cornered, then leave. I’ll focus on helping those who want help.”
I didn’t bother with a response. People didn’t learn until they had to, and I prayed that woman never had to.
I walked away from the group, leaving the other guides to her. If they wanted to leave, they could, but most of them hadn’t had much direct contact with monsters, either. They probably were just as foolish as her.
The sunset threw shades of pink and purple across the sky, lighting it up over the mountains. The harsh lights around the compound hadn’t yet clicked on.
Having grown up in San Diego, I knew exactly how beautiful sunsets and sunrises in the desert were, and this one could have made the staunchest atheist wonder about god.
And yet it couldn’t do anything for my mood.
My body hurt, with scratches and scrapes and bruises all over. Worse, even if I was right, a part of me hated how it had all ended. I’d done that for nothing, gotten hurt for nothing, and now everyone probably saw me as a coward. Maybe I was one, or maybe I just knew the futility of fighting better than most.
Did it even really matter which was true?
I walked toward our trailer, actually looking forward to dinner, to sitting around the table with the others. They could annoy me, of course, but I’d found at least somewhat of an ease with them, a simplicity that let me relax.
After the hard day, curling up with them and watching some mindless movie sounded fantastic.
I turned the last corner, but froze when I noticed two figures standing in front of the trailer that had become my temporary home.
One was easy to place—Carter. He wore a pair of sweatpants and no shirt, not that that was overly unusual for him. The thing that had me stilling was the other person.
A woman with long dark hair and wearing a dress that covered so little I wondered what the point of it was. It was black, the sort of thing I’d expect someone on a catwalk to wear, entirely impractical for daily life, yet she moved in it like she’d worn it all her life. It fell to the floor, with a slit so high that it showed the top of her hip. It had no back to speak of, open down to just above her ass, and it dipped in a graceful drape to show off her ample cleavage.
I wasn’t really into women, but even I doubted I’d say no to someone looking like that.
What exactly was she doing at our place?
