According to Shear, I’d even spawned those dreams on my own. Thankfully, Shear had only shared the one.
He also hadn’t mentioned that the person who had fucked me in the bar was none other than Ingram, and that Shear had sat to my side, stroking his fingers through my hair in a way that was far too gentle and loving to be the real man.
No, that had just been my overly exhausted brain once it finally got some sleep, nothing more.
I yawned, covering it with my hand.
“Tired?” Mercy walked up, looking as perfect as ever.
I bet she never struggled with sleep. In fact, looking at her, I doubted she struggled with anything.
“A little,” I answered. I’d gotten a good night’s sleep for the first time in weeks, and the headache had subsided, but themorning had worn me out again. It seemed that was life with Reject Squad—they’d fix a problem then create a whole new one.
Mercy reached out, a cup in her hand. “I saw you yawning earlier, so I grabbed you a latte, too.”
I didn’t even have the time to think about refusing, to find myself annoyed by her being perfect and giving and amazing yet again. The scent of the coffee was far too good, so I just took the cup. “Thanks.” The first sip said, yeah, it was perfect.
“How’s training been going?”
I shrugged, wrapping my hands on either side of the disposable cup so the warmth would soak into my palms. “It’s not much different from anywhere else.”
“Really? I’ve heard your name mentioned a lot lately.” She kept her gaze averted, the perfect mixture of sweet but confident. I didn’t even like her, but I wanted to tell her the truth.
Was that whatrealguide training did? I’d gotten a piss-poor version due to my hang-ups and panic attacks, but if I hadn’t been that way, would I have ended up this flawless?
I thought about Kaidan, about how he’d had that same ability. Sure, he didn’t turn it on as often as Mercy, but they both had this vibe that could just draw in even the most difficult person.
As nice as it seemed, I just couldn’t picture myself like that, couldn’t see how I would ever manage such ease around others. Maybe for some people, no amount of training could ever overcome their natural personalities.
“I was just worried about you,” she said softly. “I don’t mean to pry.”
I forced myself to smile. “You’re not prying. I’m just not really sure what to say. There was an incident, and what I did was blown out of proportion.”
She lifted an eyebrow. “I don’t think so. I’ve been around those in charge for a long time, and I know the difference between rumors and a miracle. What you did has most of the Guild in aflutter.” She paused, then spoke again, voice lower. “In fact, they asked me to get closer to you and gather some information.”
I took a step backward as though Mercy had suddenly turned from sweet to sinister.
Her smiled dimmed but didn’t fall away. “I guess I deserve that, perhaps. I wouldn’t do that, not to another guide. I know people look at me and think I’m nothing but the Guild’s trophy, but I’m more than that. I make my own decisions.”
Even as she spoke, I struggled to believe it. She was just too perfect, too connected to the Guild. I couldn’t bring myself to think that she would choose some sense of guide loyalty over her position, over what they would likely give her if she got close to me.
Still, the hurt on her face had me softening. I didn’t know if I believed her, but I didn’t much like causing her pain, either.
“It’s fine,” I said, false cheer in my voice. “Honestly, there isn’t much to tell. They think I have some special skill, and they want me to leave my squad so they can look into it.”
“I thought you didn’t care for Reject Squad. I mean, if you have the chance to join a different one, it might be worth it.”
The first time she’d insulted them, it hadn’t bothered me much. I’d known what I was joining back then, knew their reputation—at least that it wasn’t good—so even if it had irked me, it hadn’t truly mattered.
Now, however?
Her saying something like that sparked my temper. “You don’t even know them.”
“I know them better than you think.”
“You guided Carter.”
“I guided them all. It was after a dungeon, when they’d gotten caught without backup. It had taken far more out of them they’d expected, and they didn’t have a guide at the time. I was sent to help.”
