“Feed it if you gon’ fuckin’ feed it, Diamond!” I barked as I frowned.
She laughed as she got some food to give them both since another had come over to her side. I was silently thanking God that she had them all occupied on her side when the rest of the fucking cattle walked up.
We continued down the dirt path with her feeding all of the animals. They must have all sensed that I wasn’t fucking with it because none of them fucked with me and Keona. They were all over my girl. She’d had them open the sunroof for her to feed some giraffes, then we moved onto more camels. I was disgusted as fuck that she was enjoying the stank ass animals, but she as having fun, so I let her rock.
Shit was smooth for me until we got to the ostriches. I frowned as I watched one slowly approach my side. Diamond’s ass noticed him, so she slid the bowl of food into my lap. He stuck his head inside, looking around, and as soon as he locked in on the bucket in my lap, he dipped his head quick as fuck to peck the shit. I jumped like a mothafucka and clutched the baby closer to me.
“Ay, get this shit!” I shouted, doing my best to scoot back although it was impossible in the seat. I was damn near standing with my tall ass cramped to the ceiling because buddy was going in on the food. When his homeboy approached to join in on the assault of the food, I was over the shit. “Get this fuckin’ bucket, Diamond!” I barked. “On Lord I’m not fuckin’ around!”
“Y-you’re not l-letting Keona have fun, babe!” she cackled.
“Lord, I swear if you don’t get this shit…” I gritted.
“Okay, okay.” She kept laughing but tried to calm down as she grabbed the bucket. The driver and nigga in the passenger’s seat was laughing and shit too, further pissing me off. They had shit they were feeding the animals too. I was the only one not enjoying the shit.
“Drive this fuckin’ car, nigga!”
While still laughing, the driver pulled off. Once we were a good distance away, I calmed down and got myself together, dusting the food off of me and Baby Lord. I was fuming and ready to get the fuck on. I hoped Diamond’s ass got a good laugh because we were never doing this shit again.
We were approaching the end, and I thought the shit was over, but my girl saw some zebras and wanted to stop. I’d already made it clear that I wasn’t feeding shit else, so she had the remaining food on her side. The baby was still in my lap babbling, probably talking shit and ready to go like her uncle, with the lil’ list of animals in her hand. I glanced at it and noticed a big assdo not feed the zebrassign on the top.
“Ay, this shit say don’t feed the zebras,” I said but it was too late. We were surrounded by the mothafuckas. The one that was on my side had stuck his head in and started gnawing at me. “What the fuck?!” I exclaimed, trying to roll the window up but the nigga wasn’t moving his head. “Ay, pull off.”
“I can’t,” the driver laughed. “One’s in front of the car.”
I made the mistake of taking my eyes off the zebra at my window to glance forward and the shit got a hold of my shirt. That did it. I whipped my gun out and clocked the shit right on top of the nose. It made some weird ass noise and backed away. I hurried to roll my window up. The noise it made must’ve been a distress call because the others followed suit and got the fuck out of the way.
“We leaving right fucking now,” I snapped.
“Wait, baby,” Diamond said as she laughed, “there’s only one more stop.”
“We ain’t fuckin’ stoppin’ no more, Diamond. I’m dead ass serious, Lord.”
“Come on, baby,” she pleaded, wiping some tears that were the result of her laughter. “You have your window up, so you don’t have to worry about them. We have a little more food, and I want to feed the alpacas.”
“Lord,” I groaned. “Fine, but we leaving after that.”
“Give me the baby.”
I glanced down at Baby Lord who appeared to be happy as shit. I couldn’t believe she wasn’t crying with all the fucking wildlife attacking us. I handed her off then adjusted my clothes. When I noticed that there was a hole in my shirt I frowned and plotted on whether or not I was gon’ come back and kill that fucking zebra later. It had me fucked up.
Only one of the alpacas came to the car and Diamond happily fed it while I grilled the fuck out of it. While it ate the food, its eyes were locked on me. I just sat there in a stare off with it until the mothafucka did the unthinkable and fucking spit on me. I was frozen in place. I was fucking flabbergasted. I was enraged as fuck. My trigger finger was itching.
“If you don’t drive this fuckin’ car out of this bitch right mothafuckin’ now, some people and some fuckin’ animals gon’die,” I warned everybody in the car. “I’m countin’ to ten and I swear on Lord that I’m countin’ by fives.”
“Go!” Diamond cackled. “Hurry and drive!”
The three stooges laughed the entire way out of the bitch ass safari park. I had them stop by the bathroom so I could clean the nasty ass shit from my neck and shirt. That fucking alpaca had better been thanking his alpaca god that his spit didn’t get on my fucking face because he would have been dead on the spot and I wouldn’t have gave a fuck about what consequences came with the shit. Not even the baby being present would have stopped me from killing it.
“Hey, Loco,” one of the members of the staff ran up to me. “Sorry to bother you, but do you think I can get your autograph?”
“My autograph?” I frowned hard. “I just got assaulted by a mothafuckin’ llama nigga, and you think I’m signing some shit?”
“A llama?” he repeated. “We don’t have?—”
“Lord, you better get the fuck out of my face,” I snapped. “I’m mad as fuck that bitch just spit on me. You don’t want to take the bullets that were meant for his ass.”
“Oh, right, my apologies. I just thought?—”
