I was relieved to have at least gotten this part out of the way because the case worker had let me know that she would be coming by to see where Keona would be staying. I still had a lot to figure out though. I’d take some time off from work so I couldget it all together. I planned to call my boss and let her know a little about what was going on and maybe get her placed in the newborn class. We had a pretty good relationship, and I was potentially taking her place soon, so I felt like she’d be okay with it.
There was still the question of what longevity looked like though. I didn’t know what my sister’s plans were, and I felt like she should be raising and taking care of her own child, but she would have to clean herself up first. I planned to go and find her so that we could talk and figure things out. I was both angry and disappointed in her. Her daughter was precious. I didn’t see how she could see something so beautiful and leave her. It killed me being away from her right now just to get her room and home acclimated for her, so I was struggling to understand how she actually gave birth to her and walked away.
“Aight, this gotta be it for now.” Makhai said and stood. “My back on fire.” His handsome face was twisted in a frown as he stretched. “I need to smoke and I’m hungry as hell.”
“I could eat too,” his mother agreed then looked at me. “Are you hungry?”
I nodded. “I am actually.”
“Aight, I’m gon’ go grab something. Anything specific?”
“It’s this place called Queen Philly’s, they make the best cheesesteaks. It’s not too far from here. That’s what I want.”
“I’ll take that too,” his mom added.
Makhai nodded, collecting his phone and keys. “Just text me y’all orders.”
When he left with his mother following behind him, I got up and started to place the lamp, pictures, and other little trinkets I’d gotten for the small shelf Makhai hung on one of the far walls. I stepped back to look at it, angling my head to make sure the shelf wasn’t crooked and I liked it.
Once I was satisfied with it, I moved to the crib where I put the sheet on her tiny mattress before adding the small comforter and a few bears to the corners. I wasn’t going to leave them in there while she was sleeping, but they looked cute as décor. We’d gotten a rug to match the bedding, so after vacuuming the space, I placed it.
I’d been so busy with that, I forgot Makhai’s mom was still there until I heard her from the doorway.
“Makhai is asking for your order.”
“Oh, shoot, I forgot.” I walked to where my phone was lying on a chair then sent him a text with my order. “Sorry, I’m just trying to hurry and finish this up, so I can get back.”
“I understand,” she replied and smiled, making her way to the rocking chair to sit down. “Come, sit, let’s talk.” Doing as I was told, I walked over and took a seat next to her in the chair that I was in earlier. “So, how are you holding up, Diamond? Like how are youreallydoing?” she asked.
I sucked in a deep breath before answering. “I don’t know, honestly. I just keep thinking about my sister. She wasn’t doing the best the last time I saw her. She’s just… out there, and she has this baby here waiting for her. I don’t know. Will she come around? Will she get herself together and do this—be here for her daughter the way she deserves? And if not, what will I do? Will I tell Keona the truth when she can understand? How will it make her feel if her mother doesn’t clean herself up? I know I’m jumping far into the future, but I can’t help it. I love her so much already and can’t imagine her being hurt.”
“And that’s fine, baby girl.” She reached out and touched the top of my hand. “It’s natural too. Keona may not be your daughter, but in a matter of twenty-four hours, you’ve been pushed into this maternal role, so it’s only natural that those instincts have kicked in. Your thoughts and feelings are veryvalid too. You can worry about the baby and her future, and you can also worry about your sister.”
“I just don’t understand this, or her.” I cried, wiping the tears that I could no longer hold back. “I lost our parents too, but I didn’t do what she’s doing. I know people grieve and process things differently, but this… it’s not only affecting her.”
“You know,” Mrs. Marge started quietly. “I had a brother who got caught up in drugs. He was one of the kindest, smartest, and most loving people that I’ve ever encountered to date. We had a good life coming up, two loving parents who cared for us tremendously, but somehow, he still got caught up in life and lost his way. I tried everything that I could to pull him back in. I figured if I loved him enough, if I held on tight enough, he’d find his way.” She paused and shook her head. “But life—it gets the best of people sometimes, and no matter how much we want to, we can’t fight their battles for them.”
“So… I just give up?”
“No, sweetheart,” she gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “You keep hope alive. You pray she gets the help that she needs, but don’t stop living and don’t stop loving in the meantime. You take care of that baby. You give her peace, stability, everything her mother can’t give her right now.”
“And if she never gets clean?” I whimpered.
“Then you keep protecting that little girl,” she answered, “Because sometimes love means setting boundaries and choosing the child over the chaos. That baby deserves a chance at a safe life—and if that means staying with you, then that’s God’s way of putting her right where she belongs.”
I appreciated her words. They really made me feel a lot better than I had been. I’d spent last night in the bathroom at the hospital crying my eyes out because of what my sister had done, and because though I had worked with children for years, I’dnever been a mother and had to care for one child completely on my own.
“So, you think I can do this?” I sniffled.
“I don’t think it,” she smiled. “Iknowyou can. You’ve already started.”
She opened her arms, and I didn’t hesitate to embrace her. I needed her words, and I needed the hug. Times like these reminded me of when my mom was alive. We didn’t have much, but at least she was there, and anytime I felt unsure or low, she was there to pick me up. I wished so badly she was still here because I needed her, and because if she was, Gwen may not have fallen victim to the streets.
Once we let go, she told me to go get myself cleaned up and to take another shower before going back to the hospital, she would finish up what I hadn’t in the nursery.
I took a hot shower, brushed my teeth, moisturized then redressed before packing a bag since I hadn’t the first time I came home. Keona was doing well and according to the nurse, would be discharged soon, but I wanted to take some things with me just in case.
By the time I was getting ready to exit my bedroom, Makhai was outside of my door preparing to knock. He was standing there with a greasy brown bag in his hand as well as the blueberry lemonade that I’d requested.
