I freeze in the kitchen when I see two bowls already halfway eaten, and a box of tea on the island with a small handwritten note.
Becky, here’s some tea. I checked on your tea drawer before I left on Saturday and noticed that you gave me your last bag. I don’t know if you’ve had a chance to replace it, so I grabbed some before I came over to take care of Ellie and Daisy. I hope I wasn’t overstepping…I loved getting to see you today. I didn’t want to wash my hand after you let me hold it during that meeting at the bar, but then I had to love on the dogs. Maybe you’ll give me another chance to hold your hand again. Ok, I’m running out of room. Just know that I love you with my whole heart.
His writing got smaller towards the end of the small piece of paper, trying to fit his rambling messy words on one paper. I pick it up and turn it around to see that, yes, it’s part of another envelope he must have grabbed from work. My cheeks hurt from the grin I attempt to hold back.Carter.
Instead of feeding the satisfied pups, I follow them out into the yard. The moon is coming up already, full and bright. I take a deep breath of the fresh, cooling air. My phone vibrates in my pajamas pocket. I know who it is before I pull it out.
Carter
Do you feel comfortable with the steps you took today?
Hmm.I open the message stream and start to type, only to delete it and put my phone down again.I need tea.
I call the dogs in, and five minutes later, I’m back to staring at Carter’s message on my phone. While I watch, three dots appear and disappear five different times. I’m sure he watched me do the same thing just a few minutes ago. The mug is warm in the palms of my hands–barely visible, peppermint scented steam curling up in the low light of the living room.
Gah, okay.
Me
Yeah. It made me feel weird, but Billy and Officer McNally were both really sweet and gentle. I also liked the lawyer.
I don’t think about it when I send another quick message.
Me
You helped too. Thank you.
Carter
Anytime you need me, baby.
I ignore my automatic impulse to send him the type of message I used to and put my phone down for the rest of the night. Instead, I nab my kindle from the side table, turn on my reading lamp, and get lost in one of my comfort reads.
A few chapters and multiple yawns pass when I call it a night. I plug in my reader, check on the dogs again, put my empty mug into the washer, and head to the ensuite to get ready for bed. I’m rubbing in some nighttime moisturizer when my phone vibrates on the counter. The phone is in my hand before I recognize what I’m doing, so I put it back down. Facedown. Ignored to finish up my routine.
I take my time making sure my pillows are just right and my phone and watch are both on charge on the bedside table. The notifications glow conspicuously on my phone.Inhale, exhale.Forget about it.Nothing more to do, I crawl into bed and wriggle down under the covers, ignoring the urge to check my messages just one more time. My resolve lasts all of thirty seconds before the phone is in my hand, the bright glare lighting up the dark room, making me squint—two new messages from the group chat and one from Carter. My finger hovers over his name as I debate with myself for maybe half a second.
I click it.
Carter
Goodnight sweetheart. Drink some peppermint tea to help stay calm and rested. I love you.
I ignore the smile on my face when I fall asleep.
?????
Carter
Is it weird not going to work today?
Me
Yes, but I’m going to Central Office today, so there’s that.
Carter
Do you have to take vacation days for this bullshit?
