I know now that there were signs, but I was taken by absolute shock when Carter had told me he had actually physically cheated on me with another woman so many weeks ago. That night I confronted him, I was mentally preparing myself for him crossing other boundaries, neverphysicalboundaries. The revelation was a slap I stupidly never expected, even with what I saw that awful night. Now, though? Now I’m heartbroken for the same situation but in a completely different way.
The coffee finally completes its all-important job, ending on a beautiful beep, and I pour some liquidsoulrepair into my mug. The sound of it is a balm on my frayed nerves. A fortifying sip, “mmm.”Love and hate that flavor.I pop over to the fridge and grab my milk and creamer mixture, and I pour far too much into my cup and watch it turn a dark cup of coffee into my favorite drink.
I take my second sip and eye Carter on the couch. The slumped form of my ex-fiancé is a distraction, even in his disheveled, sleeping state. A sliver of skin shows above his jeans, and I take another sip of coffee, to redirect my wandering thoughts.Shit, brain. You fucking hussy-ass.What Carter said the previous night was true. It has always felt like his body and soul belonged to me, almost from the beginning. Even while we weren’t dating, I felt it. I knew he was all-in and waiting for me.
I didn’t make it the entire year I asked for before we were practically acting and living like we were together.
We were best friends from the second day we met.Best friends who wanted to touch each other inappropriately.I snort. Carter always said that once we made things official. I didn’t want to jump into anything, but honestly, we were doing couple’s things with Trev and Paige within a few weeks of our first movie marathon. We were best friends until he started to hide things from me—until he started to lie.
No, he didn’tphysicallycheat on me, but he didemotionallycheat on me. I sigh into my mug of coffee, and that’s apparently loud enough to wake Carter.
His eyes shoot open and he sits up fast enough to makemefeel lightheaded. He looks over at me, and takes me in where I’m leaning against the cabinets. I never changed from what I was wearing the other day, a tank top, shorts, and sports bra. But you wouldn’t know it the way Carter stares me down. Up and down my mostly bare legs, across my bare shoulders and lingering on my mostly concealed cleavage. He licks his lips, and I snap him out of it.
“Carter.” His eyes fly to mine and stick. And maybe they were safer on my body because his gaze is burning into mine. But then, something happens, and his eyes shutter.
He looks down into his clasped hands and answers, “yeah,” all gruff and raspy.
It’s not my job to fix this.I’m going to do it anyway, but I don’t have to. For some reason, that makes me feel better.
“Hey,”look at me.He looks again. This time, it’s with shame written in every line of his face. “You need to talk to someone.” I tell him, walking closer. “You need to report her, Carter.”
The corner of his mouth twitches with bitter amusement. “Becky, everyone in town already thinks—They already think that I amwithher. What’s the police gonna do?” In a mocking voice he says, “Yeah, okay, buddy. Your girlfriend copped a feel. Have a good life.” He ends his mockery in a caustic laugh.
None of this bitterness is him, and I don’t know how to help. I also didn’t tell the police when I—well, when I was a victim of domestic abuse. I did get someone to talk to, though. That step made a huge difference. “I can get you the number of someone who can help.” I say it softly while taking slow steps toward him. I put my coffee down and lower down to kneel at his feet. Taking his grease-stained hands, I rub my thumbs along the back of them. “Please tell me that you’ll think about it. I won’t push you. It’s your choice. I will support you in whatever path you take.” I need to give him time to come to terms with what happened to him. I lift mygaze to meet his eyes. He’s looking at our hands too. “Carter, I’m just going to say this one more time then I’ll drop it, okay?” He nods his head slightly. “No matter what you did leading up to that night, you didnot deservewhat happened to you.” He drops his head, and I release his hands to cup his face and lift it until he meets my gaze. “You did not deserve it.”
Carter nods slightly again, just a slight dip of his chin I can feel beneath my palms. I release him and stand again. “We can agree on one thing for sure. Taylor is a piece of shit. We need a plan.”
?????
When I arrive at work on Monday, I hear my name called out from the office. With a wide and relieved grin taking over my face, I turn around to see Ronnie finally back from her amazing European vacation. My grin grows once my eyes clap on her familiar face.Thank God.
“Well, some things seemed to have changed back to the way I remember them.” She says with a wry grin, her eyes moving past me pointedly. I turn around to see an adorable hedgehog shaped clay pot with a succulent planted in it. There’s a note included with my name on it.
Becks,
I love you. So, it wasn’t long after I got off the phone with the flower shop last Thursday that I remembered WHY I never sent you flowers. You’re a weirdo and think they’re a waste. Here’s the thing, though. That was an excuse I allowed myself to use to avoid the effort. I didn’t even try to find alternatives.
You are worth the effort.
Martha told me that she offers some succulent options that are meant to last. I saw this one, and I knew you’d want it in your classroom. The Office gave the Ok for allergies once again.
Love, Carter
Ps: We will try this again. It’s okay, I can truly be patient. I still have a text you can choose to receive. Just text me “got the succulents you succulent, beautiful man,” and I’ll hit send.
“What does the note say?” Says a voice directly behind me, so I jump out of my skin.
“Sunuvanutcracker!” I screech it, nearly dropping the precious little hedgy.
She cackles and I narrow my eyes at Vicky. The witch. I make a decision, and reluctantly show her the note and watch as she reads it. She snorts by the end, handing me the note back with a slight look ofapproval.
Okay.
As I take the note back, I look over to see Ronnie is now talking to Vice Principle Kirby, and I walk over there quickly, before I can talk myself out of it. “Mr. Kirby, I’d like to schedule a follow up on the documentation you’ve had me do the last few weeks.” He looks at me wide-eyed, then glances behind me where Jill is likely sitting. His skin looks pale and blotchy, but I continue. “I also have a piece of text evidence I’d like to include.”
Ronnie looks between us, also taking note of his appearance. “I’d also like to be in on this discussion.” She looks at me. “I am terribly sorry, but it will have to be after school today, or tomorrow during one of your planning times. I have a quick phone call with Central Office and a lot of catching up to do. Figure out what works best for you and send me a Google meeting invite.” With that, she heads to the front door to start greeting students.
With my meeting secured in the best outcome possible—Ronnie inviting herself as I hoped she would—I avoid everyone’s gaze as I hightail it out of there, snuggling my adorable Sonic the Succulent to my chest.I know exactly where this will go.
