“Randy!” Jumping at his name, he drops the next tool, obviously checking out during my rant. I grip his shoulder like a concerned father. “Don’t fall for easy shi—crap like that, you hear me?”
“Yessir.” He’s totally not listening.
“Go help Darren with the Civic’s tire alignment.”
“Yessir!” He drops the tools in his hands and practically skips to work with the taciturn old man on the simple fix, showing more enthusiasm in that walk than he has with me all week.
“Carter!” Billy’s leaning against the office doorframe—a rare day in the shop for him. “Stop boring the high school kids with your drama, and do your job.”
A snicker from behind me tells me Patrick heard.
“Yeah, okay. Gotcha, boss.” Billy just nods and shuts himself into the room once again—the fadedofficepaper sign fluttering with the move.
I return my focus to trying to get the timing right with the Jeep. My brain returns to playing back my fuckups.
Taylor was charismatic, funny, but my time with her led to me lying. Ultimately, everything turned to poison, and I drank that poison right up like anidiot.Now, I’ve hollowed myself out by allowing my stupid actions and inactions to leech that poison across nonexistent boundaries and infect the best part of my soul.
Nobody could blame Becky for leaving. Hell, half the town assumesIleft and am now with Taylor no matter how many times I correct them. After what Becky went through in her last fucked up relationshit, she didn’t need me to fuck up this badly with ours.
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” My head bangs against the hood of the Jeep two or three times, maybe on purpose, maybe not. Who knows. My chest feels like it’s ripping into pieces when I’m not moving or working, so I snatch the next tool needed and duck back down.
Becky used to give me my mid-day boost before I decided to start hiding everything from her. We used to sneak messages to each other all day. In the summers, she’d bring us lunch to share, and those were my favorite memories. I had her pure, deep, honest love. Then I worried Paul or someone would talk about my extra hours and driving Taylor, so Becky thought I was too busy for anything but a working lunch.
I didn’t pursue another woman, but I chose not to react to Taylorpushing inappropriate boundaries with me. A choice I made over and over again.
“Choosing not to act is still a choice.”Becky’s voice is a ghost, repeating a phrase she’s said a multitude of times over the years. Every time she’d get pissed at me for not responding or reacting to something, she’d come along with that tidbit of wisdom.Well, Carter, here’s a perfect fucking example.
I feel eyes on me and look up from the timing belt to see Paul staring from across the garage. I throw him a half-assed nod and turn back to my work. There was a sudden and mysterious absence of Taylor’s car in the shop since I’ve stopped answering her calls and messages. Apparently, Paul delivered a miraculous car recovery.
I eventually get the timing right and call Randy back over to start the car while I watch and listen closely. He revs it a few times until I give him a wave and have him take my place under the hood to put it back together again.
I check the notebook hanging outside the office to figure out my next job. I pull my pen out of my breast pocket and make a notation then head over and pop open the hood to another local’s ride. I sort through my mental checklist to find what’s wrong with this vehicle. That’s my specialty; I’m the go-to for diagnosing unknown problems. And that makes me wonder, why was I pulled off of Taylor’s car when there were so many supposedly unknown problems?
This entire situation smells more and more like bullshit, the more I distance myself from it.
With a roll of my shoulders, I get back to work. I’m quickly in my element, and while my hands are busy, I think through what else our house—her house needs when I stop by later to let the dogs out.Would it be too obvious to finally put that shelf up? Probably. However, she gets so hyper focused during the first few weeks of school, I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t notice.
I heave a giant pained groan and restlessly run my fingers through my hair just to remember I am covered in grease.
Fuck it. Not the worst thing to happen to me.
I’ve gone from planning to get married, buy a business, buy a house, and start a family to planning…well, nothing. I no longer know what my next step is when it comes to anything anymore, but I do know one thing.
Becky might be done with me, but I can and will still be there for her in whatever capacity I can be. With or without her knowledge. Right now, it’s all behind the scenes. I’m waiting for a sign before I step up my game. I’m hoping I get a chance soon because I’m ready to win my girl back.
Becky
I arrive last.
Earlier, I ended up drinking two glasses of wine, which meant I had to resort to our local drive share. We have one man who has found a way to work both companies.
Nobody is going to say shit because he is literally the only one. Despite my last minute ride request, I only had to wait about thirty minutes for Collin to pick me up, which was the perfect amount of time for me to start and finish my third glass of wine.
I enter Joe’s like I am in the Emperor's New Groove, with a flourish and aboom baby!A few random patrons roll their eyes, but many familiar faces smile and a few wave. “Hey Tina! Hello Joanne!” They send me equally friendly waves and turn back to their conversations once I pass them, heading to a table of “three awesome women ready to get wasted this Wednesday!”
“Woo!” Sonya cheers with me, her pink fruity concoction spilling a little in her enthusiasm. It’s fine, though. She quickly licked it off the side of the cup.
“You seem…prepared for tonight, love.” Paige smiles, waving me toward my seat. Of course she saved me one where my back is to the wall.Thoughtful, lovely bitch.
