“Don’t you dare,” I warn.
“—seven.”
“Travis, is that six or seven minutes off your free time?”
“Ohhhhh,” echoes the class.
“No Ms. D.”
“Okay, awesome. Does anyone else want six or seven minutes off their free time?”
Crickets.“Fabulous. As I was saying, I want you to read pages,” I look again and cringe.Of course, “twenty-six and twenty-seven silently to yourselves.”
A few more groans, but I hear the dutiful opening of books and turning of pages as the students get settled in to follow instructions.
Then, a record scratch. “You’re not funny, you know,” a voice calls across the class, and I freeze. She must be out of her mother-flippin mind.
All movement in the classroom stops, so I make a decision to smile and lean into it because I know something she doesn’t. “Oh, I know I’m not. That’s half the fun.”
The class erupts.
“Don’t you let her say that Ms. Duchamp. Jealousy is not a cute aesthetic, and she wears it like a coat.”
“Don’t worry, Duchamp, she’s just mad that her hair and desperation are both punchlines.”
“If you pour water on her, maybe she’ll just disappear.”
“It’s not that serious Harrry-son. Chill out.”
“It’s okay Duchamp, Ms. Terri taught us that nature makes venomous things red. Harrison is just following nature’s laws.”Oh, I liked that one.
I let this go on while I remain straightfaced, acting busy until her face turns as red as her hair, and sending a discreet email to Vicky Terri in the meantime. It doesn’t come as a surprise when none other than our science teacher appears at the door.
“Ms. Terri!” The kids sheath their sharp words like swords when their favorite teacher arrives. I’m not even jealous. She’s amazing.
“Hey guys!” She greets them, eyes sparkling, “I just need to borrow your TA for the rest of class.”
Someone shouts, “Thank God.” I pretend to not recognize his voice.
While our resident TA gathers her things with a glare, Ned returns with the copies.
Somehow, I’m able to get the kids back on track once the witch is gone with some generic, “be kind” and “funny isn’t always nice” statements to try and prevent complete anarchy in future incidents before the final bell of the day rings.
This entire week of school has been like this. I had to tell my vice-principal about the disruptive nature of her comments on day one. He told me to document it and went chasing after another runaway kindergarten student. So, I’ve been documenting.
I know it’s frowned upon to let thirteen and fourteen year olds fight your battle, but I hear her say such horrible things about these kidsconstantly. I know at least one student caught her vitriol face first. I immediately walked them to the school counselor and encouraged them to tell her and their parents.
I also documented that incident.
Other teachers are noticing the same thing, and under my direction, have also kept evidence. We’d take it to Ronnie, but she’s on her vacation for the next few weeks.
We also have to contend with Jill. Who, by the way, got in my face for not sending Taylorstraight to heron Taylor’s first day, and that Ialways hog the help.I didn’t even bother correcting her. Even with video evidence, there is no way she’d take back her words or apologize. I’m thinking there is something in the bloodline.
I look at today’s to-do list and sigh. I really screwed up by allowing my pride to get in the way of my choices when I talked to the boss. I thought I’d just be dodging dumb looks, but here’s Tay-Tay to prove me wrong about another life choice.
I pick up my phone and call Lenny so I can talk to her rather than to myself as I wander around the classroom and get a bunch of work done.
It rings once, then she answers. “Hello?”
