I was beginning to feel conspicuous in my PJs in the middle of an empty lot. My eyes caught on the clock. It was well past the time Carter left, and traffic was starting to pick up on the main roads. I took a quick look at myself in the rearview mirror, and satisfied that my inner turmoil wasn’t blatantly transparent to a passerby, I put my car into drive, and pulled out onto the street to head home.
The house was quiet. The dogs were napping in the waking sunlight—Daisy’s tail thumped lazily, her eyes blinking slowly at me in the way that satisfied dogs do. The emptiness in the morning used to be something I enjoyed because of the nature of my job, but that was balanced with my evenings, full of the playful laughter of Carter and I living our lives together.
My heart hurting, I went to the cupboard under the sink, gathered all of the necessary supplies, put in some earbuds, and cleaned on autopilot, trying to freeze out all thoughts beyond the physical. I also kept an eye out for anything out of the ordinary…just in case.
Music I listened to at high school dances was blaring through my headphones as I finished vacuuming the stairwell. I considered all the things I had accomplished and was amazed by my singleminded approach to cleaning that day, when I remembered my phone was on silent and on airplane mode.
“Oh, shit.” The moment I turned off airplane mode, an influx of messages and a couple voicemails popped up. Quick panic suffused me. I did not want to talk to Carter.
Once the notifications stopped, I realized most were from my coworkers and had to do with an event in town I had forgotten about.
None were from Carter.
I swallowed down my contradictory disappointment, ignoring the hot, bitter taste as it burned down my throat, and started looking into the messages from my coworkers. I listened to my voicemail first.
Hey, it’s Vicky. I wanted to check in and see if you’re still helping out today! You’re currently signed up for the first time slot from four-thirty tofive. I just wanted to see if you minded coming a bit earlier to help us set the booth up? Call me! Talk to you later!
The time was 3:30, leaving me enough time to hop in and take a quick shower. Heading to the bathroom, I looked over the messages to see they were more of the same. Our students had a booth up for fundraising our DC trip at the Friday Night Music Extravaganza our town had on the third Friday of every month over the summer.
Our town is adorable.
The second voicemail was from Mom, and from what I could see based off a quick scan of the transcript, Dad had called her about this morning. I didn’t even want to pretend to think about it any longer, so I ignored it for now.
I hadn’t told Dad much because I hated the idea of burning that bridge for Carter. Telling my dad would have set explosives off on that bridge. My dad does not mess around when it comes to his kids. Had it moved from him to my brothers? Forget about it.
Without thinking too much about why, I searched through my messages again.Nothing. I clicked onto my individual socials, while I waited for the shower to heat up to see if there was anything there.None. There was still the same smattering of messages and reminders about the evening, one from my dad checking in and one of my brothers being annoying. Reality settled like a heavy weight in my gut at the realization…he didn’t even try.
?????
The laughter of children and chattering of adults filled the air, a lively backdrop to my current moment of relaxation. After plenty of running around and struggling with tent legs and random ropes, we were set up and officially chilling in our seats behind the table, letting our students, Adam, Ned, and Sophia, take the lead.
I was incredibly proud of those kids and their hard work. I personally knew that Ned was painfully shy. However, with the bubbly Sophia and hilarious Adam, he really came out of his shell. I knew the combination would be perfect.
To raise our money for DC, we were simply doing a 50/50 raffle. Well, they were. I was mostly reading a book or chatting with Vicky and a couple parents, all of us in matching school tees and blue jeans. The kids requested it to make us follow the aesthetic.So middle school. Also,so cutethey cared that much.
“Ms. Duchamp, I have to go potty.” Sophia piped up, distracting me from relaxing. I raised my brow at her, giving her my silent,okay, and?
She walked up marginally closer to me and whisper-hissed, “No, like Ineedto go potty.”
Oh, duh. The girls knew to use this semichildish codeword if they needed some female products but were too shy to ask outright.
“Oh, gotcha. I’ll go with you. I need to stop by my car first, if that’s okay with you?”
Obvious relief flooded her face. “Yeah, Ms. D.”
Vicky and the others were good, so we made our way through the thickening crowd to my car and then to the restroom. I felt bad for not catching on immediately. Thankfully, Sophia’s bouncy step next to mine made that guilt dissipate fairly quickly.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of familiar salt and pepper. My heart caught in my chest, more conflicting emotions vying for dominance in the moment—unprepared to see him for the first time since this morning in such a public place, but hopeful he arrived to find me. Once I spun around to find him though, there was no Carter.
That’s fine.
When I turned back to the bathrooms, a woman stepped out, so I gave her a small head tilt for a brief hello. I was awkwardly staring at the bathrooms, so it seemed like the right thing to do. However, instead of passing by me, she stood there and looked me up and down with a slight…sneer?
What the fuck do you want, you gremlin woman?
She was all legs, skin, and red curls. She had on a miniscule crop top and shorts that were shredded to near extinction. Her face wasflawless, assets on display, and she would be ridiculously gorgeous if she wasn’t still sneering at me.
I rose my brow at her and maintained a small unperturbed smile.
