Ash gets down from the stool and puts on the kettle. He could do with a coffee. He has a high-end espresso maker – a present from Carla and the kids for his fiftieth – but he has run out of coffee beans, so it will have to be instant.
He has his back turned when Olly suddenly says, ‘Dad, I’ve been thinking.’
‘Uh-oh,’ Ash says in a feeble attempt to lighten the mood. ‘Are you feeling OK?’ He winces as his joke falls flat.
‘I want you to ring Uncle Ian.’
Ash stiffens. He hasn’t heard Olly call Roly that for years, not since Olly was about eight years old. ‘What for?’ he asks, though he can hazard a guess.
‘I want to hand myself in, Dad. I wanted to hand myself in then. You know I did. That’s why Iris told you in the first place. So you would talk me out of it.’
Ash turns to face his son. ‘Look, Olly, you killed a vile, hateful, evil person. If he’d lived, he would have gone on to cause even more trouble and hurt even more people.’
‘We don’t know that for sure.’
‘I think we can be pretty sure.’
‘Doesn’t make what I did OK, though, does it? It hasn’t even stopped the problems. Jordan and Jasper are pushing drugs now. It’s like they’ve taken over the family business or something.’
‘Plus, a man was arrested in connection with Josh’s murder,’ Ash continues, as if his son hasn’t spoken. ‘You don’t have to do this.’
‘We can’t let an innocent man take the rap.’
‘An innocent man? Tomlinson?’ Ash scoffs. ‘One: he wasn’t all that innocent himself. He was a paedophile. And two: he’s dead.’
He’s doing it again. One and two. Carla would have said A and B. She works with letters; he works with numbers. Opposites that fit together, he and Carla. He still thinks of her as the yin to his yang, especially when it comes to the kids. Christ, he wishes she was in on this, backing him up and finding the right arguments.
‘Doesn’t make it OK,’ Olly repeats, his voice at least an octave too high. ‘And what about his loved ones?’
Ash gets that Olly has a conscience – that’s all very honourable. He also understands his son’s desire to come clean and put an end to all of this. He must have felt as if he was in limbo over the past few weeks, as if the sword of Damocles was hanging over his head. But his son has no idea what will happen to him if he goes to prison. Or what it will do to Carla. ‘Olly,’ Ash says gently, ‘I don’t think he had any. Loved ones, I mean. But you do. Your mum—’
‘Dad, I did something bad.’ Olly’s eyes are bright, too watery. Ash realizes his son is on the verge of tears. ‘I should pay for it. I want you to ring Ian.’
Ash contemplates ringing his friend. Would Roly help him out here? Ash is well aware that Roly took himself off the case for Iris’s sake. But would he help Ash to talk Olly out of this? Or would he want to do the right thing by the law?
Ash runs his fingers through his hair. His son is impulsive. Always has been. He acts without thinking things through and then often regrets it afterwards. ‘Olly, why don’t you think about it first?’
‘Ihavebeen thinking about it, Dad!’ Olly shouts. ‘It’s all I think about!’
Olly will come round. Ash needs to play for time. Is he wrong to want to protect his son when his son has killed someone? Does it make a difference, morally, that Olly didn’t plan to kill Josh? It wasn’t a premeditated crime – Olly only meant to scare Joshua into telling him the truth. Does it make a difference that the world is a better place – and the women in it better off – with Joshua Knoll six feet under?
‘How about I give him a ring later and sound him out?’ Ash suggests. ‘We could talk through what would happen. Hypothetically.’
Olly lets out a sigh. It sounds like relief rather than frustration. Or is that just Ash’s wishful thinking?
‘Yeah. All right,’ Olly says. ‘Good idea.’
His answer gives Ash a flicker of hope. Just as he’d thought. His son has spoken rashly and he’s already having second thoughts. Ash should have asked for Roly’s advice months ago. His advice as a best friend, not as a police officer. Ash takes a sip of his coffee, and then sets down the mug, grimacing. It’s revolting. He can’t drink it. He steals a glance at Olly. He’s so proud of his son. Does Olly know how proud he is of him? He’s about to tell him, but Olly speaks before Ash can.
‘So, you wanna make a start on the bathroom?’ Olly gives him a quick smile, but it looks forced and quickly capsizes.
‘You don’t have to,’ Ash says. ‘It’s not urgent.’ He tries to sound upbeat, but he feels a bit like crying. He can’t remember the last time he cried. Carla crying earlier nearly set him off. And now Olly’s clearly upset even though he’s trying to put a brave face on it. He can’t bear for his family to be sad.
‘I want to. But I haven’t got long. Like I said.’
‘OK. Well, let’s do this!’
Olly fetches Ash’s portable Bluetooth speaker and connects his phone to stream a playlist through it.
