Fear glazes over in their eyes. They open their mouths to speak but stop short. I can see the wheels turning on how to give me the news. How to tell me without me lashing out at them. I can’t promise I won’t burn this fucking world down if her life was taken from me. I can’t do this.
“She’s alive. She told me to tell you that she loves you andthat you’re the brightest star that guides her through the darkness. That you need to heal and live your life. She feels guilty for the things that happened to you. I think she’s trying to protect you from all the chaos her life brings,” Beckett finally comes out with it.
We promised each other that we would stay by each other's side no matter what. We opened up about our pasts, how we have our own demons to deal with. Once things went south, she ran. She doesn’t realize that this hurts me more than any of the shit her lifestyle would bring. My job puts me in the same kind of danger. That at any time, I could be shot down and killed. What the hell is the difference?
I’d already made the decision to accept everything about her and what comes along with it. Nothing else matters. Nothing matters now and that won't change. If she’s worried about my job and having a criminal girlfriend, I choose her. I’m just as fucked up in the head as she is, I just use it in a different way.
“We need to find her. She’s not giving me up that fucking easy.”
One month. It’s been a month since I left the hospital and we still have no idea where she went. It’s like she’s a ghost who vanished without leaving a trace. Her apartment is empty of any signs of life. The mansion, no one occupies it. I was able to pick the lock and get in. The home looks the same and the only things moved out were her belongings and any trace of paperwork. I knew she wouldn’t get rid of this place as it’s the last trace of her family, but sheets cover the furniture with no signs of life.
I paid a visit to Samantha at the house Celeste bought for her and her daughter. She has no clue where she is. She still works for her but from home and gets sent cash with no return address on the envelopes. She has communications with Angela but, again, there are no traces even back to the assistant. She calls from an unknown number and email exchange.
I’ve even tried to get Beckett to trace the IP address but Celeste has her own tech guy who surpasses his skills and makes sure that it isn’t traceable. Whenever Beckett gets close, his systems shut down and a virus takes over.
She knew I would come looking for her and she made every trace of her nonexistent. Her best friend is even gone. I’ve tried every resource with the agency and I come up empty handed every time. I was able to find her office that she had in the city, but that too was deserted.
I won't give up though. I was trained to find someone who doesn’t want to be found. When I find her, I’ll have her begging for forgiveness. She won't be able to escape me, not again.
My body has begun to heal, despite the extreme exhaustion and lack of sleep. The only thing I’d agreed to do out of my Little Reaper request was to heal. I attended all my PT appointments, follow ups with the doctor, and built my strength up with the gym sessions. Beckett was in my ear every damn day to get my shit together, so I forced him to join me.
Walking into the station, I make my way to my desk. Stacks of paperwork pile up that I’m dreading to complete. Sitting my happy ass down, I get to work completing the workups for the cases I was able to close these last two weeks. I was given simple easy ones until I was able to get back to full recovery. Honestly, I’m not going to complain about it. It helped me keep my mind busy from thinking about her.
It helped for the time I was there. But when I was out in thecity to get food or go to the gym, I would catch a glimpse of a female that looked similar to her. I even freaked this chick out when I spun her around and got a swift kick in the balls. She had the same skin complexion, hair, and height, I swore it was her. To my disappointment, it wasn’t.
“Solace. Office.” Auston, Stevens’ boss, calls me from his office doors with a flat tone.
Great, what now? I push away from the desk catching the questionable looks from my team. I shrug, implying I have no idea what this is about. Once inside the office, I close the door behind me. Auston sits behind the desk clicking his pen. I stand straight with my hands behind my back, a habit I gained from the military.
“How are you holding up? Your cases are flying off the shelf. Good job getting them resolved quickly.” He watches me with a calculating observation.
I’ve talked to this man twice in my career, not sure if this is going to lead to a good conversation or the one where I need to take a step back from my supervisory role. Maybe he found out I’ve been using resources to track down Celeste.
“I’m good. Pretty much back to full strength. Cases were easy, nothing compared to what I was handling before,” I deadpan.
He nods in agreement as he pulls out a sheet of paper.
“As you know, we haven’t appointed a new Director. With Stevens still in the hospital and with his actions, he won’t be returning. You're our top agent and the best fit for the roll. It’s yours if you want it. Comes with a pay bump and this office.” He pushes the paper forward with the agreement and a hefty number.
This was something I’ve always wanted since joined the force. I would make changes better for the people and the agents. If you asked me a couple months ago, I would havejumped at the offer. Now, I hesitate. If I take this position, that would mean I’ve given up. Giving up on the woman that I love and can’t live without. It’s funny how things change when your person finally comes into your life. If I take this, I will be hiding what I did that night when I found Celeste.
No one ever found the pastor. But I know I was the one who killed him. I know exactly who covered up all the traces that would link back to me. I don’t feel guilty for taking his life, and there’s one more person I want to see life leave his eyes. I would be a hypocrite.
“Can I have some time to think about it?” I finally ask him.
“Of course. You have until the end of the week.” I nod in response and take my leave.
It’s been three days since my meeting with Auston and I still haven’t given him an answer. The deadline is coming quickly and I’m still nowhere closer to finding her. I’m finding that my anger is resurfacing with every failed hint. Beckett gets the shit end of the stick when we spar. I’m running out of patience and unfortunately, I take it out on him.
Today is a quiet day in the office. Everyone is either working through their paperwork or chasing leads on the street. Beckett’s head pops over the divider with a grin spread across his face. He signals for Monroe and I to come over.
“Look who I found, not being as discreet as she thinks she is.” Beckett points at the screen.
Angela is in plain sight, looking over her shoulder as she meets with Samantha at the damn cafe where I met Celeste. He types furiously on the computer. I have no idea how or what he did but data starts scrolling up and down the screen.
“I was able to hack into Samantha’s phone. Angela slipped and called her from a live number instead of unknown. Running the number, I was able to hack into the phone and bam we got a lead.” He sits back in his chair with triumph written all over his face.
I will never understand how the hell he does this stuff but I’m not going to question it.
