“As you know, my father passed away while I was in Rome. I had my suspicion that he didn’t die the way it was reported and I was right. He was given poison to infiltrate his heart. The one person you would think took their vows seriously ended up betraying the very man she claimed to love. All for greed and power. In the end, power wasn’t given and they’re pissed. My heart breaks that I don’t get to see him again and I wasn’t here to protect him. I also found out that they were the reason for my kidnapping in Rome.” I let my thoughts flood out, hoping to feel a weight lift off my shoulders but it doesn’t.
He stays silent for a few minutes as he digests the information. I know the wheels are turning and internally plugging in the missing holes I left out.
“This person, were they taken care of?” he suddenly asks.
How do I answer this? How do I let the trust fully blossom?He has the duty to turn me in. I’m a killer and it won’t change. Not in my world.
“Partly, but I can’t give you details and who. One of them is in hiding, such a coward. They talk a big game but hide rather than owning what they did.” My temper starts to surface and I have to catch it and shove it down.
I can feel him nod behind me. He doesn’t press me. He can put two and two together. Also, I wouldn’t put it past him to know that I came over with a whole different outfit. He profiles people, pays attention to every single detail and no doubt notices anything out of place when it comes to me. We sit in silence for a few minutes, relaxing in the warm water. I can feel my muscles begin to loosen and ease from the heat.
“When I was in the military, I wasn’t the person I am now. I’ve killed people I thought were enemies. I had orders from above, and acted on it without batting an eye. Never once did it bother me, or did I question my orders. Found out that my superior had altered the orders and I killed many for him. People who were innocent and didn’t deserve what happened to them. One of the missions I went on, things went south. In the end, he was locked up and I wasn’t. I obeyed my boss who used his rank, and I got a slap on the hand. Now, those faces haunt me every single night.”
“When I was looking for you, I went rogue. The pastor that Monroe and I questioned prior—your cousin and I walked in on him raping a girl from the community. It also turned out that he knew about Oliver the whole time. I cut off his dick and shot him in the head. Your men cleaned it up so nothing could be traced back to us. I left out that part in my report. I chalk it up to a valid reason and I don’t regret it. So whatever you had to do, you had your reasons,” he admits to me.
I knew he was in the military but I never knew what he was tricked into. The things his hands were forced into. No one toldme what he did to that pastor but it also wasn’t their story to tell. Opening up to me means a lot and I wish I could be more open but I can’t get myself to do so.
He’s all I have now, aside from my cousin and friends. I can’t ask him to take sides but how long can this last until he does?
Waking in the morning, I’m all sorts of sore. Once breakfast is over, we head back to my place so I can shower and change. Today, I decided that I’m going to pay a visit to my dad. I haven’t been to his grave once since I’ve been back. I couldn’t come to terms that he was really gone but I need this.
Alaric drives me to the cemetery, not allowing me to go alone. We walk hand-in-hand as we wander through the groomed lawn. As we get closer, he hands me the flowers we brought and stands back allowing me the time I need.
My hands tremble as I approach a beautiful head stone. My chest rises up and down as anxiety takes hold. I fall to my knees, right in front of the headstone, and let myself break. I sob and sob, letting the flood gates open wide.
“Daddy, I’m so sorry. I should’ve been here. I should’ve seen this coming.” Tears stream down my face as I let all my regret out.
Sitting there for about an hour, I let it all spill out. I tell him everything that happened to me. How I saved Samantha. How I gained respect from most of the other leaders. I promise I will make him proud and fulfill his dreams.
At some point Alaric crouches next to me holding me, never saying a word. No judgment of my breakdown is shown. Hekeeps me upright and shows me that he has me and he won’t ever let me fall. Him being here with me means the world to me. My father may even like him or at least tolerate him because he treats me well.
Once I have no tears left to shed, I wipe my face and get back to my feet. Alaric reaches over and cleans off the top of the headstone before he picks up the flowers I dropped and places them in the concrete vase. Kissing my forehead, he tilts his chin indicating that he’s going to head back to the car. I stand there for a few more moments alone, staring at his stone, letting it all sink in.
“I’ll make them all pay and avenge your honor. I hope you're reunited with Mama and sweeping her off her feet like you did when I was little. I love you.” I place my hand on his headstone before I turn on my heel and head towards the car.
I may be going to hell when it’s my time to go but I’ll be dragging all these fuckers with me.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
ALARIC
“The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.”- William Shakespeare , Henry V, Act 4, Scene 4
Seeing the pain written all over Celeste’s face when we went to her father’s grave was heart wrenching. He was the glue that held her together and now that he’s gone, she has to fight every damn day to keep from crumbling. The way she rushed into my arms, demanding that I make her feel alive, gave me a sense of security. Sure the sex was absolutely amazing, but she came to me for the relief she was chasing. She needed to lose control and I was the one to give her that.
She gave me a sliver of what happened that night but it was enough to show she was starting to trust me. I decided to give her my nightmares that haunt me every night. Seeing her face when I told her I killed the pastor, pure shock. She thinks I’m sort of a saint but when it comes to her, I’ll go to great lengths. I can feel every new bridge I’ve built to this new life begin to crack, but if I’m beinghonest with myself, it can crumble and fall. The old part of me wants to come out and play with this Reaper of a woman.
There’s no doubt in my mind that I want to be with her. She’s it for me but how do I navigate my job catching the criminals when that’s exactly what she is. What would I even do if I decided to step away from the badge? Stand by her side like a supportive partner as she takes on the world? Or would I join her and stand behind her as she sits on the throne?
I shake the thought away as I approach the door to the station. A week has gone by since she came to my apartment and I already got the call to come back to work. So much for suspension. Apparently there’s a new case needing all hands on deck.
This works out though because Celeste has some business to attend to and won’t be home for a few days. So instead of relaxing for once in my life, I accepted the demand for my presence and slid the badge back on my waistband.
The chattering in the office dims as I walk down the aisle to my desk. I wonder how much they know or what was said about me, but on the other hand I don’t really give a shit.
“Welcome back, brother. Coffee?” Beckett holds up a coffee cup and I gladly take it.
Sitting in my chair, I switch on my computer and take a sip from the cup. Oh, he got the good stuff today. I know for a damn fact that this is not breakroom coffee. Foam mixed with caramel drizzle and the blended coffee hits all the right places. Crack, pure crack, is what this is.
