CHAPTER 32
KATE
Nate’s grip on me was crushing, but I still wanted him to hold me tighter. Closer. I felt like I’d lost my tether to the world in that park and like, right then, he was the only thing keeping me anchored to the entire fucking planet.
At the same time, I was furious at him. For absolutely no reason.
Nate was CB.
Nathaniel Westwood was my precious Colonel Brandon, the man I’d spent the last half-decade falling in love with.
It made no sense at all but also perfect sense in the same breath. I didn’t know how to explain it, but I was halfway out of my mind at this point and I wasn’t even too proud or too shy to admit it.
These last few weeks, Nate had been slowly peeling back my defenses just like CB had done, but I had never—not even for one single second—considered they might be the same person. Knowing now that all this time, Nate was who I’d been bearing my soul to, should’ve been embarrassing as fuck.
The things I told him…
I kissed him harder to banish the thoughts, the doubts, and even the disbelief, choosing to bury myself in this momentinstead. For so long, I’d wondered what it would feel like when he finally held me just like he was doing now.
Alone in my bed late at night, I had wondered about his face and his lips. Now he was kissing me, Nate—CB—and it was impossible to believe they were the same person, but I wrapped my arms around him, and with my eyes closed, for just a second, I could almost feel it.
How did I miss it before?I’d spentfive yearsbelieving that CB wasitfor me. The love of my life. The only person alive who could ever truly make me happy and for whom I could do the same thing.How could Inotknow that I’ve been kissinghimfor the last couple weeks?
My brain kept tripping over that fact. Deep down, I felt like I should’ve known, but I kept coming back to the here and now. I was finally kissinghim, the man I’d loved for so long, and it was intoxicating.
Before I could even fully form the intention to do it, my fingers were on the buttons of his shirt, sliding each one free. He groaned softly, reaching for the light jacket I’d thrown on and pushing it off my shoulders before reaching for the hem of my shirt.
We parted briefly for him to pull it off over my head. Then I finally managed to undo the last of his buttons and pushed the shirt off his shoulders in turn. I wasn’t sure who started moving, but we were suddenly stumbling backward toward the bedroom he’d taken last night.
Nate’s kisses were growing hard and frantic, his grip tight and possessive. I was here for it. For all of it. But when his fingers delved into the waistband of my jeans and his knuckles brushed against my skin, I shivered and lost track of everything else.
He flicked open my button, then abruptly released me and gave me a gentle shove that landed me flat on my back on thebed. For the briefest moment, he stood beside the bed, watching me through heavy-lidded eyes and breathing hard, but then he groaned and climbed onto the mattress after me as if he just couldn’t resist any longer.
Eyes latched on mine, he reached for my waistband without a word and tugged off my pants, taking my panties with them. Another shiver ran through me as I watched him, his movements so feral and the need in his eyes so raw.
As soon as my pants hit the floor, I reached for his belt and pulled it free with jerky motions, not even caring that I probably looked utterly unhinged right then. The fact was that I felt that way too much to give a shit what I looked like.
When the belt came free, I undid his button and tugged down his zipper with precisely zero grace, lifting all the fabric over his erection before shoving it down. It occurred to me as his dick sprang free that I’d never actually seen it before.
I’d felt the long, thick length of it in my hand, but that was it, and for a moment, all I could do was stare. Naturally, even his cock would be confident and proud, curving gloriously at the tip like it had been made to hit that secret spot inside in all the right ways.
I sucked in a quiet breath at the sight.Nate. CB.
It was all still rattling around my head and I swallowed hard. Then I leaned forward and took his tip into my mouth. He stiffened instantly, a surprised, needy grunt falling out of him before his hands wound into my hair.
I swirled my tongue around him, still half-crazed at the thought that this wasit.
This washim.
“Fuck, Kate,” he muttered harshly, his grip tightening.
I felt his hips start to move, and when I glanced up, those clear blue eyes were shut, his head thrown back and that broadchest heaving. A flush covered the skin on his chest and his cheeks, and his brow furrowed in concentration.
The sight made everything in me clench, my own wetness coating the insides of my thighs and my clit pulsing like a cosmic freaking beacon. Nate released a shuddering breath. Then his hands were on my shoulders and he pushed me off him, the same wildness I felt reflecting back at me from his eyes.
Looking like it was costing him to do it, he suddenly got off the bed and bent over, sliding his wallet out of the pocket of his jeans. A condom came out next and those blue eyes shot back to mine, holding my gaze as he slowly lifted the package to his mouth.
It took me a second to realize he was giving me time to stop him, but instead, I spread my legs wider. Wide enough that he couldn’t miss it. And definitely wide enough to make me look like a porn star, but hey, I’d had many, many fantasies over the years of getting to be with CB for real and it was finally happening. Looking like a porn star was the least of my concerns right then.
