“Don’t, Nathaniel. Just don’t. Not right now.” I was already moving, grabbing my bag from the counter with shaking hands. “I need some time. I need space. We’re going to have to deal withthe fallout from this tomorrow, but for the rest of the night, just leave me alone.”
“Don’t do this,” he said quietly. “Can we just talk about it please?”
“Do what?” I asked, my voice wobbling despite my best efforts. “Go to my own apartment right across the hall?”
“Kate,” he said again, his voice so much gentler now, but I couldn’t look at him because if I did, I might stay, and if I stayed, I might cry, and if I cried, I wasn’t sure I’d ever stop.
So I walked out, went across the hall, and unlocked my door, my hands shaking so badly I fumbled the key twice before getting it into the lock. Once it was finally open, I went inside and shut the door behind me, turning the deadbolt with a solid, final click.
The silence inside felt enormous as I leaned back against the door, squeezing my eyes shut.I’m fine. Just fine. Ah, fuck. I’m absolutely not fine.
Five years of loving CB. Weeks of falling for Nate. Days of being married to him. Somehow, it was all knotted up in my chest, tangled together with hurt, longing, and uncertainty. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake it loose. I just didn’t know how to react to the leak.
I pushed away from the door and took a few unsteady steps into the apartment. I made it as far as the couch before the tears started falling. They were hot as they streaked down my cheeks.
I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes, trying to stem the flow. This was ridiculous. Nate and I were still married. Nothing had really changed. Tomorrow, we would get up, go to the office, and present a united front.
Yet, it felt like my heart was cracking open, shattering like the illusion that he might’ve chosen me too. I knew he thought it didn’t matter, but somehow, to me, it really did. Because I was all in on him. I loved Nate as Nate, but him?
He loved Emma. Still. Even though she was me and he loved me too, he wouldn’t havechosenme if we hadn’t been the same person and that?—
My thoughts were cut off by a scratching sound coming from somewhere. I froze, my heart rate skyrocketing as I lifted my head out of my hands. The sound came again, faint but unmistakable.
Scratch. Scratch.
I turned slowly toward the front door, and for a moment I thought I’d imagined it, but then I heard it again. I moved to the door, hesitating to unlock it until the scratch came again. I opened the door, looked down in the hallway, and saw him. A fluffy orange tabby with a twitching tail.
“Oh,” I breathed, dropping to a crouch to greet him with a scratch under his chin.
The cat padded inside like he owned the place, pausing only briefly when I straightened so he could wind around my ankles in a figure eight. I closed and locked the front door. “Well, hello to you too, buddy. Where did you come from?”
My voice came out watery, but I bent down and scooped him up, burying my face in his soft fur. He let out a tolerant little rumble. “You have pretty great timing, whoever you are.”
He smelled faintly like sunshine, dust, and shampoo, and I sank down onto the couch with him curled against my chest, his steady warmth grounding me in a way nothing else seemed capable of right now.
“Thanks for coming,” I whispered, scratching under his chin. He blinked at me slowly, unimpressed but present. “I needed you tonight.”
He responded by settling more firmly into my arms, like that was answer enough. I pressed my cheek against his head and closed my eyes.
Whoever his owner was, wherever they were, I was deeply, profoundly grateful they let their cat wander. Because tonight, I couldn’t stand the idea of being alone.
CHAPTER 45
NATE
Kate didn’t answer her phone. She didn’t read my texts either. They’d gone through but they were just sitting there, unread for the first time ever.
I’d been standing outside her apartment door for longer than I wanted to admit, staring at the dark metal like it might grant me entry, considering that she sure didn’t want to. I knocked again. “Kate, come on.”
Nothing.
After giving it a few seconds, when I still hadn’t heard anything from behind the door, I rested my forehead briefly against it, exhaling through my nose. “I know you’re in there.”
Still nothing. Shit.
Pulling out my phone, I tried calling her again, hearing it vibrating faintly on the other side of the door, but the muffled buzzing stopped too quickly.Declined.
My jaw tightened. “Kate, this isn’t helping.” I scrubbed my hands over my face, looked back up at the door, and knocked again. “We need to talk about this.”
