“No? I don’t believe you, and I never have. You’re so good with words, and you use them like weapons. I can’t believe anything that comes out of your mouth, because I don’t know where that will lead me. To where all my dreams come true, or to where you finally put me six feet under?”
“I never wanted you dead. You have to believe that even if you dismiss everything else.”
I don’t. Ican’t.Letting him in, even a little bit, will signal the end of everything. I pushed him away once to protect myself and to protect Jericho. I don’t know if I can do that again. He’ll always hold the pieces of my shattered heart; that doesn’t mean I should let him control them, crush them, break them down even further.
“You have no idea what that future would look like,” I say quietly, instead of responding to his statement. “And you aren’t ready for it.”
“You won’t even let me try.”
“You want to try?” I take a deep breath and step away from the table. “Start with yourdaughter.” There’s nothing else to be said. Nothing else that he cando. If he can’t make the effort for her, even without the promise of more, then I’ll never be able to move past everything that’s happened and look for some kind of future where I can trust him.
Turning away, I mumble something about needing to water my plants and stride out into the backyard, shutting them out with a quiet click of the glass door.
Usually the greenery, and the serenity that I’ve created out here, can calm even the worst days. I spent years cultivating it, hours roaming nurseries, with and without Olivia—and Jericho, who complained the whole time and yet refused to leave—in order to build a haven. Bringing life to a place that feels like it’s from another world, one ofmymaking, has always been a comfort to me. Much the same as the life that Jericho and I built. We started from nothing, and now we have everything we’d always dreamed of: a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and people around us that care. That would notice if we were gone. I don’t remember a lot of our time right after our parents' disappearance, but I know Jericho does. He suppresses it, but I know how much it haunts him. Used to haunt him. Meeting his four men has healed so much of the anger and pain that he tried to shield me from.
I thought Xavier had done the same for me. Given me hope and a future that was filled with love. Until he burned that illusion to the ground and scattered the ashes. Gone in an instant, with only heartache and agony left behind.
My eyes flutter closed when the back door opens again. I’d already know who it is even if I couldn’t smell him. A scent I’d know anywhere, would be able to pick out of a crowd.
“Is that all it would take?” Xavier says quietly, once he’d closed the door behind himself, trapping us out in what’s supposed to be my safe space. “Acknowledging Olivia?”
“I said it was a start, not a cure.” Of course, he’d choose to twist my words to suit his own agenda. “I meant getting to know her, let her know you.” I want him to see how much of him is in her, how much of him I see every day. I want him to love her the way that I do. “You already accept that she’s your daughter, you simply refuse to let her into your life.”
“For good reason,” he grits out. He comes closer, and my breath wavers when he stops right behind me, body heat so tantalisingly close. “We both know how much of a bad idea it is to let her anywhere near me. I can’t be a father.”
“Can’t, or won’t?”
“Can’t.For fuck’s sake, I killed my own father. Is that to be my fate too?”
I’d suspected. I’m less shocked than I should be. The world is a better place without Everard Alicent in it. Mostly it gives me peace to know that he no longer torments Xavier. Physically, anyway. Scars linger, and I know that better than anyone.
“You aren’t your father, and Olivia isn’t you. Well, perhaps the stubbornness. And a few other personality traits.”
“See?”
“I didn’t say they were all bad traits. Despite everything, you have a lot of redeeming qualities.”
“A compliment, from you?”
“Don’t get used to it.”
“It’s nature versus nurture, Hunter. You raised her, but she’s of my blood. She’ll always have that legacy; the least I can do is minimise the damage.”
“So sure that being part of you is something bad.” I turn around to face him, my heart aching at the pain etched into his face. Right there in the open. He’s not hiding it from me, andI can’t give him anything but the truth. The pieces thatItry to hide. “The parts of you that are in her only make me love her more.” I lift a hand, hovering fingertips over his cheek, not quite touching. “I’ve had a piece of you with me every day, and it’s the only thing that’s kept me whole.”
He searches my face, as if looking for the lie, for the deceit. And then his lips are on mine. It’s a desperate, messy kiss filled with anguish and a dusting of hope that feels like a burst of sunlight inside my heart.
Matthew
Thesilenceleftbehindafter Xavier and Hunter go outside is awkward. At least, I think it’s awkward. It’s awkward to me, so that means it has to be, right? Half of the silence is confirmed awkward. Darting a peek at Miles’ face doesn’t really tell me whether the second half is also awkward. Should I ask?
“Maybe I should go?” I can take my awkward half, and he can be left with whatever his half is. Probably not awkward. He doesn’t seem like he’s anything but put together at all times.
Those dark eyes turn and focus on me, which is both disconcerting and brain melting. He has nice eyes. I don’t exactly know what colour they are, because black isn’t a colour. I assume they must be a dark brown. Or a dark blue. Lighting matters.
“Why?”
Straight to the point, then. “Well, it’s—I mean you're all…” Never mind. The awkward silence has nothing on me. “There's a lot of history here.” Like, centuries of it. If Hunter or Xavier think their marriage is over, they're kidding themselves.Involving myself any further in this just seems like a terrible idea. I've been shot at, for cripes’ sake! My life is way too ordinary for that. Also, it was terrifying.”
