Chapter twenty-two
Kendrick
I want to havesex.
“Spencer—”
“I mean it,” he insists. “Right now. You and me. I want to—”
“No, don’t repeat it.” Hearing it a second time might kill me. I’m already struggling to keep my breath under control after the way he just marked up my neck. Does he want to give me a heart attack? “Spence, why? You’re not into men.”
“I sucked your dick the other day,” he points out, looking at me like I’m an idiot. And maybe I am. No, Iam. This has nothing to do with what gender he’s into. I don’t doubt that he wants us. Hell, I was sure of that before we ever got naked. Our relationship has never hinged on our sexual desires; we belong to each other anyway. None of that means that he wants this, specifically, though. And I’m still not sure that he knows exactly what he’s asking for.
“You’re not—”
“Not what? I’ve had sex before.”
Not something I want to think about. I hate the fact that someone else has felt his hands on them, that he made them feel good. No one else is allowed to have that but me. No one touches him but me, and he doesn’t get to touch anyone else.Ever.
“This isn’t some box you have to tick off.” I’m not interested in him forcing himself to do this because he thinks he needs to fit some kind of criteria. It turns what we have into something else entirely, and I’m not willing to go down that path. What we have, what we’vealwayshad, is enough for me. It’s never been not enough.
“I know that I’m not…” Spencer trails off and runs his hands down my front until they reach my waist, hanging there loosely. “Like you.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Half the time I have no idea what conversation we’re having, or what’s going through his mind. He jumps too quickly between situations and twists and twines things so much that I can’t follow him, not until he gives me the key.
“I don’t know what else I can say to convince you that I love you,” Spencer says, with a tinge of frustration. “If I do something that makes you feel good? Then it makes me feel fucking amazing. I can’t say that I’ll want it all the time. But I want it right now; isn’t that enough?”
How am I supposed to turn that down?
Sliding my thumbs across his jaw, I tilt his face so I can look at him properly. He’s all sharp lines, and those fucking eyes pull me in every time. They have from the second I saw them, and they’ve never let go. A golden brown, raw and filled to the brim with everything he feels.
“Okay,” I say simply. Spencer knows his own mind—crazy, brilliant mind that he has—and I trust him. I won’t insult himby questioning him anymore; we’ve had that conversation, and there’s no point in continuously hashing it out.
It’s not like I can deny that I want it. We both know I’d be lying. If he’s sure, then I’m sure. I want to hear more of those sweet sounds.
Hands tug at my shirt the second our lips meet, and he makes a desperate keening sound that goes straight to my dick.
I capture his hands, stilling them.
“Hey,” I soothe when he tries to tug out of my hold. “There’s no need to rush things.”
“I want—”
“I know what you want.” I’m all but vibrating and about to jump out of my own skin withneedbecause I know exactly what he wants. “It’s not a race to the finish line.” I want to savour every moment of it. The only thing we’ll be feeling at the end of this is satisfaction, no regret.
“I want to be good enough.”
There aren’t any words that I can say that will make him feel like he is. We’re more than words, and all I can do is try my best to show him.
Coaxing his mouth open so that I can leisurely kiss him to help relax him, I encourage him to resume undressing me. Slowly this time.
He grins against me, playfully stroking my tongue. He stops after every button pops open, caressing my skin. When he gets to my chest, he traces around the bandage covering my fresh tattoo. His name permanently etched on me. Ownership that I eagerly invite. I hadn’t been sure about it, but seeing my name onhim? Yeah, I’m glad I gave in and agreed.
He yanks my shirt halfway down my arms, trapping me there, and pulls his mouth from mine, sweeping his gaze over my chest. Our eyes meet in a heated stare. “You’ve always been attractive to me. You know that, right?”
“I know.”
He brushes his knuckles across my skin, spreading goose bumps in his wake. His thumb flicks my exposed nipple, and I suck in a breath at the sudden lance of pleasure.
