I’m curious to know how he’ll answer. He shocks me by replying with, “No.” Why wouldn’t he say yes just so he could get off? He clearly needs to.
Is this how Kendrick feels in the shower after I get him riled up? Does helooklike that when he fists his cock?
“But you want it anyway,” Six says harshly.
“Yes.”
“Say please.”
“Please.”
Why have I never thought about this before? About Kendrick and what he’s like in situations like this. Sex in general has always been vaguely satisfying at best, boring at worst. Not something I’ve ever had the need to indulge in frequently if atall. And definitely not after the last disastrous attempt years ago. The urge to becloseto a person in any capacity lay dormant until I met Kendrick. Then it flared to life without any prompting. I want my hands on him every second of the day, want his on mine. It’s never extended to anything sexual, but that’s never mattered to me. I just need him close to me.
Kendrick says he doesn’t miss sex, but how can he not when it’s something that he likes to do? He talks about what he wants to do with me, and I know he means this. I try to imagine Kendrick in Greer’s place. There’s a flicker of something, low in my gut. Not enough to take hold of and examine further. It slips away as quickly as it comes. What if it were me bent over? The flicker is louder but still nothing tangible, a vague heaviness that pours through my fingers like sand.
What would Kendrick look like? I’ve never seen him this way. Lost to pleasure. Lost in the haze of lust, his body begging for it. Would he beg mefor it? Would he makemebeg for it?
An unfamiliar hot flush runs over me. Not arousal. Deeper than that. It starts at the heart of me and spreads outward.
I stand abruptly, and Six sends me a questioning look without faltering, still wringing those noises from Greer.
“I have to go,” I blurt. I almost run headfirst into the door before I fling it open and rush out.
Kendrick startles when I burst into our office. I open my mouth, but no words come out.
“Spence?”
“Do you want to have sex with me?”
He tenses at the question, his brows drawing in. “I thought you were getting coffee. Did you drink it all without me?” He glances down to my hands, but of course there’s nothing there. I didn’t get the coffee. I completely forgot I was supposed to.
“But you do, don’t you?”
Kendrick wets his lips, and I track the movement. “You know I do.”
Except that Idon’t. I mean, I do. Of course, I do. I provoke him deliberately because I know he wants me. Because I love the hold I have over him, and what he’ll do for me, no matter what it costs either of us.
He wants me. I want him too. That’s not the same thing, is it? His want is different than mine. Not better or worse. Just different. What does that mean for us? Can I keep us on this tightrope forever? Will something have to give?
“Can we go home now?”
Kendrick tilts his head, eyes narrowing. “If you want,” he says slowly. It’s obvious he has questions. I don’t have any answers for him. Not even for myself.
“I want.”
I don’t know what I want.
Chapter ten
Kendrick
Spencer’s been weird allfucking day.
Hell, he’s been weird formonths.But the last few days really take the cake. The kiss yesterday was my fault, I can acknowledge that. The rest of it? That’s squarely on Spencer’s shoulders. I still have no idea where the question about sex came from. He didn’t bring it up again after we went home. Why did he ask me that? I’ve wanted him for years. From the moment I met him. Those eyes pulled me in, and I’ve been lost ever since.
He demands everything from me, and I always give it to him. I alwayswill.But he’s never asked for this. I don’t think he even knows what he’s asking for.
And I definitely don’t think he really wants it. If there were going to be sexual attraction on his part, it would have happened already.
