“He said?—”
“I know what he said!” The words come out with more force than I mean them to, and I finally stop pacing, tangling my fingers in my hair until the sensation at my scalp grounds me. “Sorry. I’m just—honestly, I have no idea what I am to him. Viktor treats me like a queen and Eliza like a princess. But I don’t want gifts, and neither does Eliza. If I’m going to be in a relationship, it has to be more than transactional. He can’t buy my love or whatever it is he wants.”
I sigh and sag down onto the desk again, putting my head on Suzie’s shoulder as she wraps her arm around mine.
“He can be a part of the baby’s life. I don’t want to keep him out of it. But giving me gifts and treating me like we’re in a relationship, saying certain things,showingme certain things, are two different things. I don’t need things?—”
“You just need him,” Suzie sighs, too, and I nod.
We both fall silent, because nothing else needs to be said between us. If Viktor can’t respect me byshowingme he wants to be in a relationship, I’m not going to be able to believe this is anything more than protection for the baby.
And if that’s true, things between us will never work.
I lift my head off Suzie’s shoulder. “What do I even do?” Frustration makes my voice thick. “Do I confront him? Do I just accept that this is how it’s going to be? That he’ll be a good provider, a distant father, and I’ll just be the mother of his child?”
Suzie sighs, her gaze softening. “You know you can’t live like that, Leah. Not you. You’re not built to be controlled and happy living in someone’s shadow. You need more. Youdeservemore, because for all the love you give, you deserve just as much back.” She stands, walking over to her window, looking out at the endless concrete jungle of the city. “You have to talk to him. You have to tell him what you just told me. That gifts aren’t love, that you need honesty, presence, andhim.”
“But what if he can’t give me that?” The question hangs heavily in the air, a cold dread seeping into my bones. “What if he’s incapable of it? What if heisjust like my dad, or Peter, only with more power and more money to throw around?”
“Then you’ll know.” Suzie shrugs, but her expression is firm. “And then you’ll make your decision. But you can’t make thatdecision without having the conversation first. You owe it to yourself, and you owe it to this baby, to find out.”
Viktor is all I need. Not his things, not his money, not his protection, buthim. The man who, for a fleeting moment, looked at me like I was the only woman in the world, the man who said those three impossible words.
But that man is barely around anymore, replaced by the one who sends diamonds and flowers instead of being there. It’s a pattern I know too well, a pattern I swore I’d break. Eliza’s father, Peter—they all avoided connection, turning our relationships into transactions. And here I am, pregnant with another man’s child, and he’s doing the same thing.
When I get home, the mansion is quiet, almost eerily so. Eliza is already doing her homework in the living room. She’s sprawled on a plush rug, surrounded by math worksheets, markers, and handwriting practice sheets. She looks up, her face lighting up when she sees me.
“Mom! Guess what? Viktor sent me a giant unicorn with a rainbow mane!” she exclaims, pointing to a corner where a ridiculously large, fluffy unicorn sits, almost as tall as she is.
My heart sinks a little. Another gift. Another attempt to smooth things over, to buy affection. Eliza is genuinely delighted, her excitement pure and innocent. How can I resent a gift that brings my daughter so much joy? This is the complication, the beautiful, heartbreaking complication of having a child with a man like Viktor. He cares, in his own way. He just doesn’t know how to show it in a way that truly matters to me.
Later that evening, after Eliza is asleep, I find myself pacing Viktor’s room. He still isn’t home. The silence of the mansionis oppressive, amplifying my thoughts. I pick up the diamond bracelet from the dresser, its facets catching the light, sparkling mockingly. It’s beautiful, and I should be thrilled. But the gift feels hollow.
The hours tick by, slow and heavy. I try to read, to watch TV, but my agitation grows with each passing minute. It’s well past midnight when I finally hear Viktor’s footsteps in the hall. My stomach tightens, my fear fighting with the resentment that’s been growing all evening.
He walks into the bedroom, loosening his tie. His eyes are tired but somehow sharp, his entire being miraculously unrumpled. He pauses when he sees me, still dressed, standing by the window. “You’re awake.” It’s not a question, but a statement.
“I need to talk to you,” I say, my voice steady despite the tremors running through me.
He sighs, running a hand through his dark hair. “It can wait until morning. It’s been a long day.” He starts to unbutton his shirt, his back to me.
“No, it can’t,” I insist, shoving my fear down, because I have to do this.
He turns, his expression hardening. “What is this about?”
“It’s about us, you and me. Whatever this is.” Waving my arms without direction, I step closer. “You say ‘I love you’ in the heat of the moment, then you run, and the next morning there are diamonds and flowers like it’s a consolation prize. Like you’re trying to buy my affection. Buy my loyalty. Buy whatever bullshit you want me to believe. Treat me like a queen because that’s what every woman wants, right? Except I don’t.”
Viktor’s eyes narrow, and a muscle ticks in his jaw. “I give you gifts because I want to. Because I care for you and Eliza. Is something wrong with that? Is that not enough?” His voice is low, dangerous.
“No, it’s not enough!” I blurt, my frustration over the entire situation finally overflowing. “I don’t needthings, Viktor. I needyou. I need honesty. I need to know this isn’t just some transaction for you, that I’m not just a means to an end, a mother for your child.”
He takes a step towards me, his presence suddenly overwhelming. “I told you exactly how I felt about you. I already told you I don’t think of you that way. Wasthatnot enough?”
I take a deep breath, forcing down the fear at the glimmer in his eyes, at the menace in the step he takes toward me. My next words aren’t going to make him feel any better. “You said those words, but you haven’t backed them up with actions.”
“You think I don’t care? I invited you into my house. I provide for you and Eliza. I
ensure your safety. What more do you want?” His voice is quiet, but in that quiet, I hear underlying anger, even a threat.
