"If you're uncomfortable with me here—" Viktor begins, but I shake my head.
"No, it's fine. "
I climb onto the exam table and take a seat, the paper crinkling noisily under me. Then the room falls silent. Viktor looks entirely at ease and unruffled, every hair in place, not a single wrinkle on his suit, not a scuff on his shoes. But I don't know what the hell to say because there's so much all at one time.
"How have you been?" Viktor's voice finally breaks the silence. He's observing me curiously, as though he can somehow learn more about me through osmosis or something.
"I've been okay," I reply, even though we both know there's so much more to say.
"And the pregnancy? Are you healthy? Is the baby healthy? Have you been too uncomfortable?" Viktor asks in a way that makes me think that if he’d been around for the first trimester, my life might have been a little bit easier, especially when I was lying on the bathroom floor, afraid to stand up out of fear I'd throw up, while Eliza sat in front of the TV, binge-watching cartoons for the first time in her life.
"The baby's fine. I'm fine. We're both growing and gaining weight." I flush once more as I say the last part, realizing Viktor probably doesn’t want to know I'm gaining any more weight than I already have. But if he thinks that, he doesn't show it. Instead, he steps closer.
"Is there anything you want? Anything you need? Anything at all?"
"No, I'm fine. I have everything I need, and now that the exhaustion and morning sickness have gone away, I'm feeling good."
It's sweet of him to ask; he seems so concerned. It's undoubtedly more than Eliza's father ever did. It's more than Peter ever did, if I'm being honest. I've counted my lucky stars many times that, even before his accident, I didn't get pregnant with his child. I certainly didn't need another deadbeat dad in my life.
But I also don't know what kind of father Viktor will be. I still don't know much about him, or if he even wants this baby.
"I know you just found out and all, but I want you to know that you don't have to do anything special. I'm having this baby no matter what, and I'm not looking for handouts or help. I'm okay on my own. I have Suzie and our neighbor Jade to help, and I've already done this once before, so you're not obligated to help or pay for anything. I'm not going to take you to court or anything like that. "
Viktor moves close, standing at the edge of the table, his eyes intensely focused on mine in a way that makes it difficult not to look away. "I will not leave you alone with a child. That would be irresponsible and would be shirking my duty as half of the party that created this little thing between us." Again, an enigmatic smile dances around Viktor's mouth, never becoming a full grin, but leaving evidence of itself in his eyes. "I take responsibility for my actions, no matter what that looks like. I am a man of honor, and I will be a part of this child's life in whatever way you will have me."
All I can do is stare at Viktor for a long moment, and I close my mouth when I realize it's been hanging open.
It's sad that I find a man simply taking responsibility for his actions as incredible and shocking as I do. But I do. I'm actually close to tears, though I won't let him see it.
I take a breath to respond, but a swift knock on the door erases my words. The door opens to reveal the ultrasound tech pushing the machine into the room.
"Miss Walters?"
The tech doesn't look up as she asks my name, instead focusing on setting up her machine. Viktor steps back to give her room, and the woman doesn't even notice him at first. But I can tell the moment she does, however, because her quick, efficient movements halt suddenly and her mouth drops open. She swallows, closes her mouth, and continues setting up the ultrasound machine.
I sit back as she's doing this, and after a moment's hesitation, indicate that Viktor is welcome to stand by my other side. He does so, and I can't help the small flutter I feel at his closeness, at the sense of strength and solidness beside me.
The tech pushes my sweater up to reveal my stomach, tucking the fabric up under my bra with a glance at Viktor that says volumes.
She flicks off the light and sits on the stool. I wonder if Viktor has ever been to an ultrasound before. Had he been an absentee father with Peter? Had he beeninvolvedduring the pregnancy? Because he watches the tech as she squirts jelly on the ultrasound wand before pressing it to the place just above where our baby sleeps.
Sonographic technology has improved significantly since I was pregnant with Eliza, but I’m still amazed at how clearly I can see the still-forming child.
"Your little guy’s right there, Mama." She points to the screen as though the baby isn’t clearly visible, then glances at Viktor.
As the tech clicks around and takes various measurements, I watch the miracle on the screen in front of me. At nineteen years old and pregnant with Eliza, barely into my first year in college and wondering what the hell I was going to do, seeing her on the ultrasound images had still been an incredible experience. The idea that I couldgrow a new life, that it was forming hands and fingers, and moving, and sucking its thumb—it all seemed like magic to me.
I tear up a little bit, the image on the screen blurring into indistinct light and dark. I'm so intent on my own experience that it surprises me when a shift occurs beside me.
I look up to find Viktor watching the screen intently. His expression is still guarded, still calm and cool, but there's an edge to him, a tightness to his shoulders and jaw, a glimmer in his eye as he stares at the screen that leaves me practically breathless.
I think Viktor is stunned.
And that makes me tear up even more. This is the first time I've ever been with anyone but Suzie and my mom. For just a moment after I found out I was pregnant with Eliza, even though I was terrified, I had imagined her father and me in the ultrasound room, sharing a precious moment over our child, just like in TV shows and movies.
Of course, that never came to pass, but it had been just as amazing to watch my mother's and Suzie's faces light up with joy as Eliza grew within me.
Having the father of the child here, just as amazed at the miracle in front of us as I am, is an entirely different experience. I have a feeling Viktor rarely shows much emotion at all; he carefully crafts his image and sticks to it like double-strength superglue. So I feel like I'm probably witnessing an incredibly special moment, a moment he wouldn't want anyone else to see. I feel honored and, of course, extremely emotional to be able to watch his first reaction to his child.
