And me?
I want to drop a bomb on my lies with Alena. I hate them. When it’s just the two of us, we’re so true and right together, I fucking fight back tears sometimes.
But with everyone else, the secrets are oppressive to the point of pain.
“My brothers don’t live in the Lowcountry anymore,” I lie. “They live on the West Coast with wives, kids, and jobs. I rarely see them.”
“So, it’s just you and your mom when you go home?” Naturally, she’s curious. “But you don’t stay with her on Edisto? You stay with your friend in Charleston?”
“Yeah, he’s my former pastor.”
“Wait.” She perks up. “Who?”
And I’m a fucking idiot. I can’t keep up with the lies.
“Pastor Sire Rutledge.” I shrug. “Why? You know him?”
Fuck yes, she does, and I forgot!
“Yeah!” She beams. “He’s my pastor, too, and good friends with my dad. They met in juvie. Not that they’re criminals now. They were like young Robin Hoods, and now they’re close. Nadine, the one I keep telling you about, who’s beenlike my grandmother, she’s Sire’s mom. Do you know her too?”
Does giving birth to me count? Or the twenty-nine years she’s yanked my earlobe every time I piss her off?
“Think I’ve seen her at his sermons, yeah.”
“She’s gorgeous,” Alena gushes. “She’s such a badass. You know the sex club is hers, right?”
“Yeah. I’ve seen her there.”
Mom hates it when we use her club to get our kink on, and most of us respect it. We’re usually only there for meetings, except for Grant. He’ll let Delphine and friends suck his Blow Pop anywhere.
“It’s wild, isn’t it?” Alena unravels her braid. “Nadine runs a sex club, but her son is Charleston’s hip pastor and?—”
“Honestly, that’s how we got close.” I always try to give her the truth between my lies. “I heard about his church and liked his message: nonjudgmental. Then I spotted him at the club, and we didn’t shame each other for our kinks, and we’ve been close ever since.”
Yeah, I guess I’m most like Sire. Like bookends—the oldest and youngest—binding our family’s story together.
Alena furrows her brows. “So… while I’m having a spa day at The Mercier Hotel with Nadine, you and Pastor Rutledge will go to the sex club?Without me?”
I take her hand, loving the dirt under her fingernails. “Alena, I’ll never cheat on you. I’m just going home to visit my mom and to meet Sire’s new girlfriend.”
Again: half truth, half lies.
Axel told me how Sire has a new, very young girlfriend. Wren Chapel, and she’s Sire’s soulmate. He rescued her from traffickers, and she rescued his heart.
But I’m not going home to meet Wren. I’m going home because we’re initiating a queen tomorrow night. Nick’s queen, Zar. They’re proudly gay, and we happily love Zar too.
I wish Alena could feel it.
The kings and queens. Our risks and rituals. Our secrets and bonds. The danger Alena’s in because she has no idea that she’s one of us. It rips at my seams. I don’t know how long I can hide it.
Staring into her trusting chestnut eyes…
I can’t.
There are too many connections. Too many loose ends. Too many ways Alena can get hurt. There’s only one way to protect her heart.
For now.
