Particularly me.
He smirks. “Glad you’re cool with it because it doesn’t matter, right? You’re boring to stalk. So, stalking two men…?” Theatrically, he taps his chin before laughing. “Nah, that’swaytoo much dick for me, but thanks though.”
He turns, calling over his shoulder, “Night, Alena.”
I admire his firm ass. Thick, tapered back. Strapping shoulders. His corded forearms, adorned with ink. His holstered gun and whatever else he’s hiding.
And I love the sudden way my heart is beating. How he left me smiling this time. How I won’t have a nightmare tonight. I’ll have a sweet, dirty dream…
Of him.
“Night, Dick.”
“What took you so long?”
“What?” Vale huffs back. “You texted thirty minutes ago.”
“But I texted nine-one-one eggplant.”
“And knowing your history with eggplants,” she quips, “I figured it was for a Parmesan recipe.”
My best friend gives me shit. And smiles. I love her. I call her every night.
“Well, this is a real eggplant. A really sweet, big one, living next door to me, and working with me, and,” I word vomit, “I’d swear he’s stalking me, but he’s making it too obvious, so he’s not. Besides, he’s too hot to need to stalk. You should see his blue eyes. And his huge package. He’s a mountain range of muscles. I bet pussy purrs right up to him, and?—”
“And he’s next door?” Vale interrupts, “I want pics! Now.”
“I’m not going on my porch to pop pics of him!” I mutter like he can hear me. “I’ll wait until it’s dark, and he turns on the lights.”
“Can you really watch him?”
“We live in little fish bowls on a mountainside. Unless we take a stance requiring the use of blinds, yes, I can see him, and he can see me.”
“Oh my god.” Vale sighs. “Now, you can give a show like that hot OnlyFans man you stan.”
“At LuvPounder.” I sigh, the flood between my thighs instant. I’ve been dating a beautiful big dick online for years.
He just doesn’t know it.
“Yes,” Vale rushes out, “and now you can give your own show for a hot neighbor. And your bestie has hooked you up with every dildo made. Time to show off your cocky collection, girl.”
I laugh, stirring my pasta. “Did you hear the part about us working together?”
“Did you ever hear me say office dick is off-limits?”
“You manage a sex shop. It’s your job to work with limitless dicks.”
“True,” she chirps. “But just because you’re rangers together, doesn’t mean you can’t tug his raisin bag.”
I stop, wooden spoon midair. “Hiswhat?”
“His raisin bag. Nut sack. Tadpole carrier. His testicles!” Vale laughs. “Some men love it when you tug ’em or tongue ’em. But ask first. Lest you accidentally get kneed and a black eye.”
“Did that happen to you?”
“Once. Though it was my fault. I tongued his balls and reached to finger his ass when he wasn’t ready for a ride up the dirt road.”
“Oh my god.” I half cry, half laugh. “This is the reasonwhyneveris my mantra with men. Because I’ll never know what I’m doing.”
