Vale winces. “Yourdadwas there last night?”
“Yes. And I was finally feeling myself, whoeversheis, and then he walks in, and I’m fifteen with fluffy thighs again.”
“Alena,” Vale gently chides, “you’re not fluffy, you’re fucking fierce. Look at those hot tits.”
She gestures, and I glance down, topless, remembering Loch’s hands, proudly fondling my breasts, not how I usually hunch over to hide them.
“It’s a mind-fuck,” I tell her, shimmying into my bra. “For the first time, I felt free and sexy with a man, and then my dad showed up. Or I’m here, in his house, and he treats me like I’m a teenager again, and I feel it. I feel all the shame and every mean word said about my body, and I’m struggling again.”
“Tell him.” Vale bends her brows, sweet and supportive. “Tell your dad. Tell him about your bully. And tell Loch too. You need to tell the men you love how other men have hurt you.”
“I don’t want to talk about him.”
John Thurmond was my hell from twelve until fifteen. Every part of my body, he mocked. In the halls at school. In the classroom. On socials. On the bus. What was worse was how he got other girls to do it as well.
You’d think we’d stand up for each other. You’d think we’d know how body-shaming destroys you.
But I guess they secretly hated themselves, so hating me was easy.
But the worst day was when I was fifteen on Folly Beach. Vale and Blair had left for the day, and I stayed behind to finish my book. I fell asleep to the happy sound of waves and awoke to the dread of jeers. To a bunch of boys, led by John, pointing and laughing at me.
At first, I didn’t know why, then I glanced down at my bare thighs.
While I’d slept, John had written LANDWHALE on them in black permanent marker. And he stood there, for the entire beach to hear, shouting, “Hurry! Save her! Shove her back in the water!”
I was mortified and trapped. Ripped into pieces. I burst out sobbing so hard, I could barely see through my tears until two guys, throwing a football, saved me. They came over, swinging punches while I ran away, crying.
I never told my dad. I hated John Thurmond, but I loved my father. I didn’t want him to go back to prison for me because he would have.
But since then, I’ve been chained to those words until I finally felt free with Loch.
“Alena…” Vale is tentative with her words. She’s the only one I told. “Your voice is your weapon. Sometimes, it’s all a woman has.”
I nod. “I know, and I’m learning to use it. That’s what you walked into this morning. Me, telling my dad that I’m anadult. He can’t keep protecting me like his little princess, and?—”
My phone, charging on the nightstand, chimes with a text, so I rush over to read it.
Robbie
Babygirl. Gotta take a rain check on Botany Bay. There’s a storm coming
True to my fear of my father’s wrath for any man I’m with, I changed Loch’s name in my phone. Not that my dad would check my phone. It’s mine. I pay for it. Not that I wouldn’t put it past him if he thought I was in danger.
Besides, it’s a nod to my mom, to Fate. Loch feels like my Robbie.
Glancing out my bedroom window, overlooking the steel-blue Atlantic, I see the line of dark clouds and flop beside Vale, texting Loch back.
I understand. Some other time
I’ll meet you back at the cabins.
5ish?
Three dots appear as Vale elbows me, muttering, “You’re still on the pill, right?”
She knows all about me andThe Wedding Singer.
“Yeah.” I wait for his reply, answering her, “It’ll finally serve a purpose other than preventing painful periods.”
