“And let’s keep it to ourselves.” His thick brows bend. “Just between us. You know how the guys at work can be.”
And he wants to protect me from them. From the jokes and rumors. All the shit women have to put up with from other men, he understands. He wants me to keep the respect I’ve earned.
But what do I want?
A chance, not a risk. A reality, not a dream. A desire, not a desperate plea for someone to finally want me. I want more than a first. I want forever.
Maybe I’m a naive ten-year-old again, talking to the moon outside my window and believing it was my mom, listening to me. But she did.She does.She shines over me, and I feel likeshe sent Loch. I couldn’t have asked for a man more perfect for me.
I mean… Slurpees. Hiking. Goofy and gorgeous. A warm warrior. He’s respectful but able to rip a man apart. And he said he wants to make me come for hours? For days? And I believe he can.
If my mom were alive, she’d never sex shame me. She’d tell me to go after who I want, and Loch’s the first perfect man who’s ever wanted me back.
And I want…
“I want to try.” I lift my chin, meeting his aqua eyes. “I want us to see what we can be. I like you, and I can keep a secret. Can you?”
He shakes his head. “Fuck, Alena, I can barely keep my hands off you, so yeah… I can do it. I can keep secrets, and I like you too. Next Saturday. My place. It’s a date.”
He sighs roughly, shuffling his boots. It pulls my stare back to his hidden erection, and I bite my lip, wondering, wanting.
Glancing up, I’m busted, but he smirks, suggesting, “And I should leave. You need to know me better, and I need a goddamn cold shower.”
I blink.
I blush.
I keep getting weak in the knees for him.
No man’s ever needed to douse himself in freezing water over me.
In two heart-stopping breaths, he’s ripping my exhale away. Leaning down, he softly kisses my lips. “Night, Babygirl.”
Then… he leaves with Mutt by his side.
And cheesecake on the floor.
And my heart in his big hand.
CHAPTER EIGHT
ALENA
So,is this cheating?
It doesn’t feel like it, but if so, who do I belong to?
Loch, who just left? Who’s taking a cold shower because of our kiss? You know, the real man I met this week, who just asked me out next Saturday?
Or @LuvPounder, the OnlyFans account I’ve been loyal to for years?
I’m so loyal, I’m one of the few fans he invites to his private Saturday night video calls. There, we chat with him while he records himself. Like we’re a part of his show before he posts the video to all his fans.
I heard about @LuvPounder from Vale years ago. A member of her cohort, another PhD student, was studying the effects of online sexually explicit platforms on cultural attitudes about sex.
Of course, Vale told me about the most popular male accounts. And of course, I was obligated to check them out. For scientific reasons.
Most accounts weren’t for me.
