I gulp.
The way he laughs... “Histail. Not women. I promise, I don’t chase them.” The way he smiles... “But I do like hiking with them.” The way he asks me dozens of questions... “Where’s your bucket-list hike?”
“Kilimanjaro.”
The way he makes my face hurt from smiling so much... He makes the hour go by too fast. He makes me feel like Drew Barrymore on a date.
My first date.
I’ll never forget it.
Loch’s not like most men. He doesn’t boast about himself, even when I ask. He changes the subject and asks aboutme. Like he’s curious. He cares. He passes the real test of a man, according to Vale. Loch asks follow-up questions, as if I’m actually interesting to him.
It makes our conversation warm and comfortable, like we’ve been friends for years.
So, why does it also feel erotic? Why am I seduced by his questions? I’m getting high from his focus on me. Light-headed. Happy. Free.
Maybe he’s just polite, and I was pushy, inviting him over. Maybe he’s dying to leave when I want him to stay. Maybe he’s respecting our roles when I want to break the rules. Clearly, I’m a secret horndog. It’s a Saturday night. If he only knew about my midnight dates.
He takes his last sip of beer before asking, “What made you want to be a ranger?”
I guzzle down my last sip, afraid he’ll run again, but he asked, so I reveal. “My mom used to take me camping in Congaree Park, and I’d see the rangers there and thought it’d be the best job in the world.”
His smile softens. “What was your mom’s name?”
“Lainey. What’syourmom’s name?”
“Ahem.” He coughs. “Uh… Nadia?”
“You sure?” I chuckle. “You answered like it was a question.”
“It’s not that. I’m just used to calling her Mom.”
I caress my empty beer bottle. “Why didyouwant to be a ranger?”
“Guess I wanted to make my mom proud. She likes any job where you rescue people.”
“And your dad?”
His smile falls. “He was an abusive piece of shit. My mom escaped him when I was a baby.”
I flinch. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t pry or?—”
“I don’t mind.” But he makes a fist. “I mean, I’m damn lucky I don’t remember the hell she and my brothers went through.”
His brows knit, and it hurts my heart. Loch asked about my mom, my wound, and I want to care for his in return. Barely, I touch his hand. “I’ll listen if you want to talk about it.”
His pause is long; he’s searching my eyes before a soft smile tugs his lips. “Nah, let’s change the subject back to something we like, like…” He nods toward the mountains outside. “Do you want to stay here? As a ranger?”
“Yeah, I love my job.” I wipe my mouth, setting my napkin on the table, anything to hide this earthquake I feel in his presence. “I mean, I want a life, too. You know, I want kids with a husband and?—”
Jeez, Alena. Buy a ring and get on one knee for him.
What happened to no way? To no flirting or falling in love? Colleagues are off-limits. Men can just be friends.
It’s all I’ve known.
There’s only one other time when I crossed a line with a man. When I needed something more for a night. One first and then never again.
