He kisses my hands, vowing, “You just have a fucked-up dad who fucked up. And I’m sorry for hurting you. I really am. But I’ll never apologize for loving you and keeping you safe.”
Deep down, I’m not surprised my dad’s in some dangerous, secret, vigilante mafia… whatever.
He’s a good father and a noble man. Of course, he wants to save girls like me.
My dad was a foster kid. He didn’t have a family until Nadine and her sons took him in. I guess I became a part of their family. A family I don’t really know. A family that my best friend is apparently also a part of.
“Just get her back, Dad,” I insist about Vale. “So at least one thing will be right in my world again.”
He nods. “I will. Vale belongs to me. She’s my queen.”
Queen?
There’s that word again.
“Alena!” Loch pounds on the door, startling me. “Goddammit, Nash, let me talk to her!”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
ALENA
When there’s toomuch pain, the body protects us. It goes numb, like the pins and needles trying to block my brain from feeling this.
Or no.
It’s my heart.
It needs protection as more of its pieces shatter the moment Loch walks into the bedroom. His aqua eyes, red from tears.
My dad leaves, closing the door behind him, and we’re left standing in a pile of slicing lies that cut so much, I fight not to feel them.
“The Slurpee.” It’s all I can muster. The only thing I can let in. “It wasn’t Fate. It wasn’t my mom sending you to me. It was a lie.”
“No, Alena.” Loch falls before me, on his knees, grabbing my hips. “No, Babygirl, our love isn’t a lie.”
“I was a job, a mission, an obligation to your Bratva brothers or whatever.” I can’t even look at him. I reason with the window instead. “It was never forme, good enough to loveme, beautiful enough to wantme. I was an oath you took, nothing more, and?—”
“No.” He clutches, his grip bruising, begging. “Even when they told me not to, they couldn’t stop me from loving you.”
I stare down at him, disbelieving. “No, it’s all a lie, and I can almost understand it. All the risks and bullshit my dad said you’re into. I can understand some lies. But love…” I brush his hands off me. “Love should’ve told me.”
Loch shakes his head. “I wanted to. From the beginning, I told them to tell you the truth about who we are, whoyouare. I hated lying to you, but they said it was for your protection.”
“Protection?” My eyes widen. “This isn’t protection, Loch, it’spain.”
He climbs to his feet, towering over me. “No, it’s both, because I don’t remember, Alena. I was the baby. I don’t know how bad my father can be. I’ve had to trust what my brothers tell me. That he’s capable of horrific things, and that includes going after innocent children, like you.ThatI believe. I’ve seen the scars he put on my brothers and my mother, and all I ever wanted to do was to protect you from it.”
“But it hurts.” I blink, blinded by tears. “You didn’t protect me; you hurt me. More than anyone else because we could’ve hidden in the truth.Together. When it was just me and you, lying in bed, you had a choice—love me or lie to me. And what hurts so bad is you looked into my eyes every night and chose to lie.”
“Goddammit, Alena, it wasn’t a lie!” He gestures between us, yelling, “Me and you; this is love. Because I don’t know what the fuck is a choice or a command in my soul. Telling me to love you. To hold you. To protect you and die for you. But it’s real, and it’s all I’ve known. Not for my brothers. Not for my mother, your father, or some fucker threatening tohurt you. No one told me to love you, Alena, because they can’t fucking stop me. I’ll always love you!”
I want to believe him.
I want to look back on every memory and trust Loch. His every word, touch, and kiss.
But I can’t. Not now. Loss. Love. Lies. Pain. They litter the landscape, and I don’t know who I am under the rubble.
“I need time,” I mumble. “I need everyone to leave me alone. To stop telling me who I am and what I need and let me figure it out. On my own.”
