Chapter 51
WYATT
OCTOBER
I DON’T END UP SEEING Mollie May during my New York trip. She never calls, and it’s not like I’m about to contact a global superstar and say, “Hey…about that dinner?”
I meet with Tobey, who’s eager to get into the studio with me. So eager, in fact, that I’m coming back next week to start recording with him. Rather than fly down to Nashville, I return to Boston to hang out with my parents until I’m due back in New York. I spend time with our dogs, Dumpy and Bergeron, though it makes me sad to see Bergeron, our energetic husky, slowing down. He’s getting old, and the idea of him not being around anymore and following me all over the house with his intense, watchful gaze… It breaks my heart.
Nothing lasts forever, though, does it?
Everything ends, and everyone fucking leaves.
I step onto our sprawling stone patio out back, feeling more melancholy than usual. For the first time in weeks, I’m having a beer and a cigarette, and it reminds me of the beginning of the summer when I was a total mess. Chugging beers in the morning,chain-smoking, brooding and snapping like an asshole.
Is it possible for someone to change in such a short amount of time? To evolve? Because I feel different. I truly do.
She changed me. And for the better, I think. I wish I could tell her, but my last several texts have gone unanswered. I’m worried she’s punishing me for not texting her for nearly three weeks after we left Tahoe, but I did that forher. I was trying to give her time to grieve and heal, even though it fucking killed me to keep my distance.
The last time Gigi checked in with her, Blake told her she was focusing on school. Against my wishes, Gigi mentioned my unanswered texts, to which Blake responded she thinks we need space from each other. Which, of course, wrecked me to hear.
Gigi told me she sounded better at least. Less depressed. I hope that’s true. I can’t stand the thought that she’s sad and I’m not there to make it better for her.
“Hey.” Dad walks out, holding a beer of his own. He’s wearing a Bruins hoodie, his hair damp from the shower.
“Hey,” I say.
He sits at the patio table, resting the bottle on his knee. For a moment, he’s quiet, just staring out at the dark yard. Then he sighs.
“Your mom said something the other day.”
I glance over. “What?”
“She told me you made a comment about how nobody cares about your loss.”
Fucking hell.
“No, don’t look like that. She’s not trying to pry in your business or force you to talk about it.”
“Then shedidn’tsend you out here?”
“Nope.” He chuckles. “If anything, she told me not to say anything. But I had to, because it needs to be said.”
“What does?”
He lets out another breath, looking a bit troubled. “I just want you to understand something. About being a man.”
I sink into the chair across from his, a deep wrinkle in my brow. “What do you mean?”
“There’s a lot of pressure on us. We’re supposed to be the strong ones, the providers. And even now, with women being breadwinners and men staying home, that expectation is still there. People don’t really want to see men break down. No man shows his emotions without paying for it somehow.” He pauses as if choosing his words carefully. “But you suffered a loss too. Maybe your body didn’t go through it, you weren’t the one in the hospital, but you still lost something. And it’s okay to be sad about it.”
My throat constricts painfully. “I feel like I’m not supposed to be. And I feel like I didn’t even have time to process it, you know? Barely even got my head around the idea of being a dad before the option was taken away from me.”
“Yeah, I get it.”
“At the hospital, Blake said losing the baby made her realize she was leaning toward keeping it. Honestly, I think I would’ve been cool with that. And that whole fucking situation just makes it sadder, because we never even got to make that decision. It was stolen from us.”
“It wasn’t stolen from you. It just wasn’t given to you. Things happen when they’re meant to happen,” Dad says quietly. “The people you meet, the situations you face, the traumas you suffer… It’s all going to unfold the way it’s supposed to.”
