Gigi marches toward me, her dark ponytail swinging. “Look, I didn’t want to say this in front of Blake, but…” She shakes her headin disbelief. “What the hell are you thinking?”
Yeah, I knew this was coming.
“It’s not a big deal,” I say, even as I suck nearly half my cigarette in a nervous drag.
It was easy to pretend I wasn’t doing anything wrong when it was our little secret, but now that someone else knows, all the reasons that caused me to deny my attraction to her come rushing back.
“She’s practically our sister,” Gigi scolds.
“Trust me, I’ve never thought of her as my sister.”
“God. Men will justify anything in their minds for sex.”
“Hey, don’t make this a gender thing.”
“If you hurt her, she’s not going away. You get that, right?” Gigi’s features are hard, but her voice is soft. “And you have a bad track record with flings. They always fall for you. Without fucking fail. If you break her heart, it won’t be like one of the girls you leave in the rearview mirror and never have to see again. You can’t just fuck off to Boston for a few months until they forget you. You’regoingto see her, probably for the rest of your life, unless for some completely implausible reason, Dad stops talking to Logan.”
Which we both know will never happen. They’re brothers for life.
“When this ends, you’re going to see her next summer in Tahoe,” my sister continues. “You’ll see her for Christmas, on birthdays. Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
I chew on my cheek, feeling uneasy. “I never know what I’m doing, Stan.”
Gigi shakes her head at me. “Yeah, well, maybe you should start figuring it out.”
My sister’s warning stays with me, yet it’s not strong enough to stop me from sneaking into Blake’s room every night for the rest of the week. I know it’s risky as hell with every room occupied, and when I sneak back into my own bed at dawn every morning, I try not to question why I’m taking such a huge risk for this girl.
All I know is that everything is quieter when she’s around. In a good way. She eases the chaos in my head, sometimes even silences it completely. When I’m curled up beside her, I don’t stay up all night, staring at the ceiling. I haven’t slept this well in years, not since I was a child.
But Gigi’s right. I need to figure out what we’re doing. Whether Blake is truly on board with saying goodbye in a few weeks.
Blake?mocks the voice in my head.
Okay.Me. I need to figure out why the idea of going our separate ways fillsmewith so much fucking anxiety.
But what’s the alternative? Blake is returning to Briar for her senior year. I’ve got an album to record. Are we going to have a long-distance relationship? A relationship, period? I don’t fare well when it comes to relationships. I always screw them up.
My mind is a jumbled mess as I make my way down to the dock. It’s a gorgeous, sunny morning, so everyone is either in the water or lounging on the beach. The Golden Boys are executing backflips off the swim platform. All I catch is flashes of tanned skin and wet hair as a bunch of rowdy hockey players hurl themselves into the lake. Nearby, Blake and Kate float on their backs, long hair stretching out behind them like strands of seaweed.
I find Tucker napping on a lounge chair, a red baseball cap brandishing the logo of one of the gyms he owns covering his face. I don’t want to disturb him, so I settle on the chair farthest from him and scribble in my songbook for a while.
Around noon, my mother shouts down from the railing saying lunch is ready if anyone’s interested. I hear a happy shriek as AJ grabs his girlfriend’s hand and they both jump off the platform to swim back to shore. Gray and Stella follow suit, diving cleanly into the water, but Blake goes to the ladder rather than jump, gripping the rungs as she climbs down.
I can’t tear my gaze off her. Her skin is golden brown from being out in the sun all summer, and her teeny white bikini only emphasizes that tan. I watch as the bottoms ride up on her ass, baring one perky cheek. My dick stirs in my trunks. I want to smack the hell out of that ass.
There’s a blur of motion as Beau dives off the platform without noticing Blake descending the ladder. His left foot clips her temple, and my heart slams into my ribs when I see Blake’s head jerk back a second before she goes under.
And doesn’t come back up.
I don’t think. I don’t hesitate. Instinct takes over. I’m off the lounger and diving off the dock before I even realize what I’m doing. I swim toward her at a breakneck speed, arms cutting hard through the water.
“Blake,” I shout and inhale a mouthful of water.
For one terrifying second, I see nothing but bubbles and ripples near the ladder, but then she surfaces with a cough, flinging out her arm to clutch the side of the platform.
My dramatic dock dive and shout caught everyone’s attention, because I suddenly hear concerned voices from the sand. I ignore them and close the distance between us, pulling her against my wet body as we tread water and hold on to the wooden edge.
“Are you okay?”
