"But I'm willing," he said, tipping his face up as if for a kiss. "I'm willing if you are."
"I am," said Clayton. He kissed that warm mouth, savoring the feel of it, and then settled back with Kyle in his arms. "I'm very willing."
He raised his arm and pointed the remote at the screen to turn up the volume to where they could hear it.
"Be warned," he said in a pretend serious voice. "These songs will stick in your head forever."
"I'm ready for forever," said Kyle. "I'm ready."
Clayton kissed the top of Kyle's head and wanted to pepper him with kisses all over. But they'd made a pact of sorts to take it slow. To spend time together and see how things went. To not make it like one of those quick-grab meetings in a bar. To be like two people who wanted to make forever last, to savor the beginning and the middle. To experience each moment like it was their first moment together, each kiss just like their first kiss. Only sweeter.
CHAPTER 13
They spent hours on the couch, cuddling and talking, sharing sweet, almost chaste kisses until the clock struck midnight and Kyle almost cracked his jaw on a huge yawn. Clayton's heart had slowed until he could now make sense of his world, and when he said they should go to bed so they could be ready for the road in the morning, Kyle agreed.
"Together or separate?" asked Kyle as he stood up, holding out his hand to pull Clayton to his feet.
"I'd like to—" said Clayton, then stopped to gather his courage. "I'd like to be with you, just be with you."
"Me, too," said Kyle, and it was as simple as that.
They got ready for bed in their respective bathrooms, and then Clayton tiptoed to Kyle's bedroom door in his t-shirt and sweatpants, a little nervous, a little shy.
But Kyle made it easy. Still brushing his teeth, he pointed to the side of the large bed that was further away from the bathroom. Then, feeling like a kid at his first sleepover, Clayton went over and clambered beneath the covers. He watched while Kyle finished brushing his teeth and sighed gratefully when Kyle turned off all the lights before climbing in himself.
When the glow of the still-lit Christmas tree echoed down the small hallway, Clayton started to get up, but Kyle stopped him with a touch.
"Let's leave it," he said, whispering in the Christmas-lit darkness. "Just for tonight."
"Any time you want," said Clayton. "On or off, whatever, whatever you want."
Kyle moved in the bed, making the bedclothes rustle and it seemed he was turning to face Clayton, so Clayton turned on his side to face Kyle. He tucked his hands beneath his pillow and squinted until his eyes got used to the darkness, until he could see the gleam of light from Kyle's eyes.
"This bed smells nice," said Clayton, swallowing. "You smell nice."
"You smell nice, too," said Kyle, then he laughed, low, under his breath. "It's like you've got on mountain man cologne, or something."
"Could be my soap," said Clayton. "Or—I don't know."
He felt a little hesitant, but moved forward so they could be closer, and then all at once, Kyle pushed himself into Clayton's arms and sighed as he settled his head against Clayton's chest.
"This is where I wanted to be," said Kyle. "Even from before you showed up, this is where I wanted to be and didn't even know it."
"Me either," said Clayton. He let out a long, slow breath. "This is like the Christmas gift I never even asked for. Neverthoughtto ask for."
"Santa is a wise man," said Kyle with a small laugh that was broken by a faint yawn. "He knew all along what we wanted, even when we didn't ourselves."
"And Uncle Bill, too," said Clayton. "He's wise, and told me to go—" Clayton yawned a huge yawn and couldn't speak until he was finished. "And I forgot to call him, to tell him?—"
"Tomorrow," said Kyle. "You can call him on our drive to your sister's house."
"Sounds good," said Clayton, his voice feeling faint in his own throat. "Be warned, he'll want to talk to you and he tends to bluster a bit."
"I am unafraid," said Kyle, though his words trailed off into almost a whisper. Not because he was afraid, but because he was falling asleep right there in Clayton's arms. As if he was always meant to be there, always meant to be in Clayton's life as well as in his arms. Then, with the Christmas lights gently shining from the living room, and a wonderful man pressed close to him in the dark, Clayton fell asleep.
CHAPTER 14
Their drive to Parker in Clayton's car had been uneventful, with the roads plowed and remnants of ice melting in the warmth of the sun. Beside him, in the passenger seat, Kyle held the wrapped Bowie knife and sheath on his lap, with the bottle of wine carefully braced on the floorboards with his booted foot. Their luggage, Clayton's duffle, and Kyle's weekend suitcase were stowed in the trunk. From time to time, Clayton would look over at Kyle, and Kyle would respond with a smile, his blue eyes very wide and joyful, and everything felt right and good.
