“So at the football game—”
“I already knew Ben, yeah. We’d been hanging out for weeks. He and Landon came over after the game, and we had a sleepover.”
He holds a hand in the air. “I don’t need to know about your conquests.”
“We didn’t even have sex. Not that night anyway.”
“Oh…” Darcy stares at me for a second, his head cocked to the side. “Wait! You’re lying. The day after the game. I called, and you were—” He cuts himself off, his face turning red.
I can’t help it; I laugh. Mostly because I’m remembering how funny Ben found it and how much I loved hearing him laugh. “I was faking. Ben and Landon were sitting right next to me the whole time, but nothing else was happening.” I raise an eyebrow at him. “Do you really think I’d make you listen to me having sex?”
“No…” Darcy frowns. “No, I guess not.”
“I’ve had three hookups since we started college. That’s it.”
I can tell I’ve shocked him into silence. “Then… why?”
I sigh, settling back in my seat, then shrug. “I don’t know, really. It felt like it gave me some extra protection or something. I think it really started because I was trying to make myself feel better, and then it just got out of hand, and I didn’t know how to make it stop.”
He leans forward in his seat, his features softening. “Make yourself feel better about what?”
“You remember me talking about Lincoln when we were younger?”
Anger twists Darcy’s face. “Yes. That asshole.”
My brows shoot up. Well, damn. Darcy never cusses. Not unless he’s really pissed off about something. “Well, he was… worse than I let on.” I chuckle lightly. “Basically, he destroyed my confidence and made me hate myself a little.”
“I knew he was a jerk. I mean… your parents have a nickname for him and everything.” I can’t help but grin. Even after all this time, they haven’t let it go. “But, jeez, Park. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“I didn’t want you to,” I whisper.
He nods, nibbling his lower lip. “So why now?”
I laugh. “Because I’m freaking the fuck out, and I need to talk to someone about it.”
“Well, I’m always here,” he says, eyes softening. “You should already know that.”
I do. Or at least, I think I do. Knowing and accepting are two different things. But I’m so damn tired of holding myself at arm’s length from everyone I care about. I’m so tired of pretending I don’t care about anything when I do. “I know. I just… haven’t ever wanted to share before.”
Taking another sip of his tea, he glances at me. “Are they good to you? I’ve apparently built a reputation for beating up buttholes, so…”
I couldn’t fight my smile if I tried. “No need. They’re amazing, honestly. I couldn’t ask for better.”
“So then what’s the problem?”
That’s the question of the hour, huh? “I don’t really know. I think I’ve just gone so long without opening up to people that I don’t know how tonow. Ben and Lan are doing a good job breaking down my walls, but it’s still so damn nerve-wracking.”
“Even with me?” Darcy can’t disguise the hurt in his voice, and it makes my heart clench painfully.
“Ask me anything.”
Darcy’s eyes widen. “Uh…” I wait patiently, trying not to worry myself about what he’s going to come up with. “How do the three of you work?”
I shrug. “I don’t really know how to explain it. We just do. Like, all our pieces just line up well together. Like a sunset.”
“A sunset?”
I nod. “Yeah, the colors. How the colors just mix in the perfect way? It’s like that.”
