Ben sighs, then places his large hand on Parker’s thigh. “Exactly that. It’s not supposed to be just Lan and me. We’re only two parts of this.”
“Two parts of three?” Parker says, scoffing.
“Yep,” Ben agrees easily, not even bothered for a second by Parker’s disbelieving tone.
“If you want,” I add.
“I don’t really get what I want.”
I grip Parker’s chin, tilting their head until they look at me. “You could.”
“Can we… can we take things slow?”
Even if I had it in me to deny them a single thing—and I don’t—there’s no way I could ignore the fear and worry in their eyes. “Anything you want.”
Ben nods, agreeing even though Parker can’t see him. “We just want you with us,” he says. “No matter what that looks like.”
Parker drops back dramatically onto the bed, blinking up at the ceiling. “Oh my God.”
“What?”
They shake their head with a laugh. “I’m always messing with Darcy, right? Telling him about all these hookups I have and all these football players I have in my bed. The whole time, I’m swearing off dating and sex and anything that makes me feel vulnerable. And now you’re telling meI’ve somehow got two fucking football players in bed with me wanting to what… date me?”
“I’d say that about sums it up, Cotton Candy,” Ben says with a smirk.
Parker groans. “This is the fucking worst.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Oh?”
“Yes,” they say, dragging the word out.
“Damn, that sucks for you, Lovebug. You’re stuck with us, I think. Even if you don’t want to be with us that way.”
They close their eyes, their face scrunching. “I do,” they whisper. “I do. I’m just… what if that changes? Things with Lincoln were amazing… until they weren’t. And I can’t do that again. I can’t.”
Ben opens his mouth, but I cut him off. “It’s okay to be afraid. Can I tell you two something?”
Parker opens their eyes and sits up, both of them giving me their full attention.
I take a deep breath. “I’m afraid too. My mom is super religious. She didn’t used to be, but then she got sick, and ‘God saved her.’ We started going to church every Sunday. By the time I realized I may not be straight, I’d spent the majority of my life hearing that it was wrong. I can’t imagine how she’ll react to hearing I’m with a man.” I nod toward Ben. “And that’s not even counting how she’ll react if I’m withtwopeople.”
“I’m sorry, Lan,” Parker whispers, leaning into my side.
Ben watches us for a second, a small smile on his lips. “I love seeing the two of you close like that. It makes my heart so full.” He sighs. “We have a lot to work through. But we’ll do it together. We’ll go as slow as you want. As youneed. And if things need to slow down, we slow down, okay?”
Parker nods. “Okay.”
Ben holds a hand out, eyes locked on mine, so I tuck my hand into his. “And the same for you. If you want and need time, that’s fine too.”
I shake my head. “I’m sure about the two of you. So sure. I just might need a little time to tell my mom, but I want to.”
“Alright,” Parker says with a sigh. “I guess we’re doing this?”
“Slowly,” I say.
“Slowly,” Ben echoes.
It’s gonna be challenging to go slow given how much I ache for the two of them, but it’ll be so worth it.
