“Bro, stop leaving your shit lying around.”
I’ve about had it with my roommate. Roger is an alright guy, but he’s a fucking slob, and I’ve had all I can take.
The only response I get is a muffledoomphfrom behind his closed bedroom door.
This is one college experience I could do without, but even on its worst days, it’s better than being at home with my mom.
Speaking of which, my mother has tried to call me three times today. I know if I don’t at least attempt to have a conversation with her, she’s going to lose her mind. At this point, I wouldn’t even put it past her to show up at my damn dorm.
I make my way back into my bedroom and shut the door behind me, breathing in the clean scent. After realizing how messy Roger was and how much his inability to clean up after himself would make the whole damnplace smell, I bought a candle warmer. At least one room in this place smells good.
Sitting down on my bed with a sigh, I unlock my phone. And would you look at that, another missed call from Mom. Four for the day, and this time with a voicemail. What a treat for me.
When I tap the notification, her overly cheerful voice fills my ears.
“Hello, Landon. This is your mother.” I roll my eyes. As if the voice and the caller ID didn’t give her away. “I’m hoping you’re just busy with classes and not intentionally ignoring me. I’ve tried to call four times now. Anyway, call me back. I love you.”
Something about her tone grates on me, and I find myself frustrated as I tap on her name to call her back.
She answers on the first ring, and my irritation ratchets up. “Hello, Landon.”
“Hey, Mom.”
There’s a beat of silence, which is strange. You’d think since she called so many times, she’d have something more to say.
She lets out a heavy sigh. “I just wanted to let you know that I found a nice club for you to join.”
I can’t have heard her right. There’s no way she’s trying to police my extracurriculars. “Mom,” I interject, trying to cut her off.
Am I surprised when she goes on like I haven’t even spoken? No, I’m not.
“It’s a church group. They get together once a week for prayer and the gospel. It’s all kids your age. I think it would be good for you. I worry about you now that you’re on campus and not at home with me. Have you even been to church since you moved out?”
No. I haven’t. And I have no intention to go now either.
“Are you listening to me?”
“Yes, Mom.” I sigh. “I haven’t gone to church, no.”
This time the silence is loaded with the weight of her disappointment. I can’t even imagine how much worse it would be if she knewwhyI hadn’t been going to church.
“Okay…” she says after a few minutes, pausing long enough after to let me know she’s unhappy with that. “That’s why this group is perfect for you. Please, at leasttryto go.”
Biting back a sigh, I nod. “Fine, I’ll check it out.”
I won’t, but what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
“Oh, that’s fantastic news. Well, okay, Landon. I love you, and I’ll talk to you later. Let me know how the first meeting goes, and stop ignoring my calls. I haven’t heard from you in so long.”
“I love you too,” I mumble, hanging up before she has a chance to go on.
As it is, I’m not going to church. Nor am I going to some church meeting with a bunch of other people. College was supposed to mean freedom. Not more of being under her thumb.
I drop back onto my bed, resting my head on my pillows, and stare up at the ceiling.
If there is a God, surely He doesn’t think there’s something wrong with me, right? There’s no way a fair and just God would want to punish or condemn me just for being who I am.
The worst part is, I could probably easily settle down and get married and have two and a half kids like my mom wants, but that feels like such a disservice to myself. I owe it to myself to explore, to see what the way my heart trips over itself around Ben means. Even if it’s not with Ben, I need to do something.
