He glanced into the window to see his reflection. Haunted. Pained.
He buttoned his collar over the redness on his neck and ran his fingers through his messy hair. He practiced a smile; bright, with teeth. “I’m fine,” he said to himself. “I’m fine.”
He repeated it until the words didn’t shake.
Only then did he step back inside to find Wren sitting on the bottom step of the stairs, waiting for him. Teddy worried what he might have heard, but he knew Wren wouldn’t be sitting there so calmly if he had.
Teddy used that practiced smile. “He’s gone.”
Wren popped to his feet, glancing right through his facade. “What did he say to you?”
“I’ll take you back to the shower and show you how it works,” Teddy said, pushing past him to climb the stairs.
“Teddy.”
“Also, where did you stash Sable and Blu? We should get them.”
“TEDDY!”
Teddy paused and looked back. “Wren…it’s fine.”
“Why are you lying to me? You never used to lie to me,” Wren said in a hurt voice that speared Teddy’s heart.
“I never want to lie to you, Little Bird,” Teddy whispered.
“So tell me.”
Teddy knew he couldn’t say everything. Too ashamed. Too fearful. Too guilty. Kellan had tied a string around his throat a long time ago and Teddy still didn’t know how to unknot it, despite searching. Despite moments of bravery that were swiftly and systematically shut down and stamped out.
Kellan made sure to keep him right under his boot, holding what Teddy held most dear over his head and flexing a power Teddy had no hope of beating.
“He’s threatening me, isn’t he?” Wren guessed.
Teddy met his gaze. “Yes.”
“You don’t need to protect me, Teddy. I can fight them myself.”
“I’m not doing it because I think you need protecting, Wren.” Teddy sighed. “You’re more resilient than anyone I’ve ever met. You’re strong and brave.”
“Then what is it?”
“I’m…not.”
The shame had him looking down.
Wren stepped closer and fisted a hand in his shirt, ducking to meet his eyes. “How can you say that? You’ve always been brave.”
The words hurt.
“I can’t fight them, Wren.” Teddy’s voice was hoarse and exhausted. “I’ve tried. I…I thought I could but…”
Wren was looking at him now like he was seeing everything Teddy wanted to hide. This version of him that had been jaded and worn down to a shell of his former self. He was scared Wren wouldn’t recognize him. Would pick up the foreign pieces of him and find him lacking all the grooves and edges he’d fallen in love with.
“I think we should keep things buried to avoid any complications,” he said, feeling like he was swallowing glass. “Friends.”
Those beautiful blue eyes began to fill with tears, but Teddy didn’t know if they were grief or mourning and he was scared to ask.
“Friends,” he repeated. It sounded dead.
