“It’s okay if you’re not upset, Cal.”
I let out a breath and relax my shoulders. He always makes me feel validated. “Part of me is stressed that I’m not feeling more than I am.”
He sits between my spread legs as his hands slide down my arms before grabbing my hands to hold. “I studied this stuff in college. Abuse comes in all forms. It’s completely natural not to feel strong grief for your abuser.”
“I never really considered her that way, you know?”
“Because of the love she gave you after her words ripped you to shreds. It’s a very common pattern of behavior with people like that. It doesn’t matter if it’s verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.”
I pull him against me again and hold him. He smells of sleep, lingering sex, and old cologne.
“Do you want me to go with you?” he asks. “To Houston?”
“You’re amazing, Tiger. Have I told you that?”
“I could stand to hear it more,” he teases gently.
“I see my personality is rubbing off on you. But seriously, no. Stay here with the kids. That’s too much. I’d rather deal with this alone. Damn, I hate to drag Braeden with me. One funeral was enough for him. Plus, he has school.”
“He can stay with the kids and me. It’s no problem.”
Is it too earlyto fall in love? Maybe. Probably. “Thanks, Seth. I’ll take you up on that.”
“Let me go with you!” Braeden demands, his eyes watering.
Crap. I thought he’d be happy to stay, but I can’t drag him to Houston with me.
“I can’t, kiddo. You have school, and you’ve already missed enough of it. Seth has plans for you all. I won’t be gone long. I only have to make funeral arrangements and hire a company to sort through all her stuff and clean out the house. In a couple of weeks, I’ll have to go back for the funeral and put the home up for sale.”
Honestly, there’s so much to do. Hell, it was only recently that Braeden got his money from the estate sale his lawyers set up. It’s all sitting prettily in his trust fund. He should have more than enough money for college and grad school, if he wants, and then some.
“Are you going to miss Halloween?”
“I’ll be here for that. Any ideas of what you want to be?” I ask to distract him.
He shrugs and picks at his nails. “I’m too old to dress up.”
“Then you don’t care if I miss it?”
“I-I didn’t say that.”
I rest a hand on his shoulder and gently grip it. “It’s okay if you want to trick-or-treat. Don’t stop being a kid yet. I know for a fact that teens still dress up. Hell,Iplan to dress up.”
He looks up at me with those eyes that can see into your soul. I can also tell that he definitely wants to dress up. “Yeah?”
“Yep. Pick out a costume, and I’ll buy it for you.”
To my surprise,he hugs me. I smile and hug him back. Baby steps. In time, we’ll be a real family. “We’ve both lost our parents,” he says.
I hold him tighter. “That we did, kiddo. That we did. It hurts like hell, but more so for you."
It’s strange seeing your parents dead. They look the same, yet they don’t. She doesn’t look real.
I feel a flicker of grief as I stare at her face in the morgue, but there aren’t any tears. I’m still fucking angry, though. It pisses me off that she’s managed to escape accountability. Even if she never changed, at least I would’ve said my piece and broken free of her, and she denied me even that.
I nod to the attendant that I’m done, and leave for the home I grew up in.
This house was all I knew growing up. Leaving it was the best decision I ever made. Inside lingers a mixture of happiness and pain. It doesn’t take long for the anxiety to take hold of my throat. She’s gone, but my past will always be a part of me.
