Calvin
“DidyouRSVPtothe wedding?” Mom asks.
“Yes.”
I neatly place my suit in the garment bag, zip it up, and set it on my bed. The initial guardianship hearing is tomorrow. The timing couldn’t be worse, but there’s nothing to be done. As soon as the hearing is over, Braeden and I are hitting the road to Texas, a state I haven’t been back to in fifteen years. The thought leaves me a bit nauseous with a touch of anxiety. My mom yapping on the speakerphone doesn’t help.
“Make sure to pick up a new suit. The colors are white and emerald green. You should get a tie to match.”
“I RSVP’d, but I’m not going.”
Silence. Her silence is always heavy and crushing. She’s weighing her words to see how far she can knock me down and bend me to her will. Even worse, I know how she makes me feel and how she affects my mental health, yet I keep talking to her. The only thing that holds me back from cutting off all contact is that she’ll be completely alone.
“You have to go,” she finally says.
“No, I don’t. They don’t know me. They don’t care. I’ve already sent them wedding money, and a good amount of it.”
I should tell her I’m heading to Houston to take Braeden to his parents’ funeral, but I don’t want to. But then, if I don’t tell her andshe finds out, she could make my life a living hell, and by extension, Braeden’s.
I guess she should meet him.
Fuck! This dread is damn near crushing.
“What has gotten into you? You’ve been ignoring me, and you won’t listen when we do talk. Sometimes I feel like you hate me. After all I’ve done for you, raising you alone. It wasn’t easy, you know. You’ve never been grateful.”
I almost snap at her, but I keep my yap shut. With a sigh, I say, “Braeden and I will be in Houston for his parents’ funeral, which is why I can’t be there. I also have the initial custody hearing tomorrow. There’s too much going on. We’ll stop by to visit you. Better?”
“You’re… coming to visit?” Mom can’t help but sound surprised.
“Just for the day before we have to drive back. I can’t be gone long.”
I notice movement out of the corner of my eye to see Braeden standing in the doorway to my room. “Gotta go, Mom.”
Before she can say anything else, I hang up.
“Hey, what’s up, kiddo? You getting packed?”
“I want to go to school when we get back.”
“Do you think you’re ready?”
He shrugs and picks at his cuticles.
“If you think you’re ready, I’ll call the school when we return. I already have you registered.” My heart palpitates, and my mind tries to spiral. This isn’t me starting to panic about all the things I need to get done. I’m feeling the brunt of single parenthood. You’d think I’d be empathetic to my mother, but she has no excuse for the way she treats me and always has. Sometimes I hear what she isn’t saying. ‘See, I didn’t have to keep you, but I chose to. You should be grateful.’
“I’m tired of sitting around,” he says, pulling me briefly out of my anxiety. “I want to get back to learning and stuff.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
Things might be different after the funeral, and he could change his mind.
Braeden walks off, and I rub my face, letting out a quiet groan. Between the hearing, the funeral, getting the CAD drawings and blueprints ready for the hospital wing project and Eagle Saloon, wondering when my next surprise visit from social services will be, taking Braeden to therapy next week, and dreading a visit with my mother… It’s a hell of a lot. I’m goddamn overwhelmed. That’s only on top of all the other little things I need to do. How do other parents do this? How do they not lose their fucking minds?
Right when I think I’m about to fully spiral out of control, I get a text from Seth. My ever-fucking savior. It’s like he can sense it when I need someone to lean on.
Here I am freaking out about being a parent, when he raises three kids alone, runs his own business, and takes care of my ass.He’snot freaking out. God, I need to get my shit together and do better.
Tiger: I’m making lasagna.
